1) Despite any ups or downs , life still has to go on.
2) Everyone is unique. Underestimating others doesn't make you outstanding in any way.
3) Be a good listener and interrupt less. That's how you learn and think before accepting statements made by others.
4) Having self-confidence is very important.
5) Don't give a fuck about people's negative comments because they don't know what they're saying most of the time.
6) Be humble because there are many who know more than you do.
7) Talk to different people. Don't limit your social circle to only your childhood friends, classmates, etc. We learn through people and get to know more about what the society has in store for us.
8) Learn to have empathy for others. Be sincere and kind.
9) At the same time , keep some things to only yourself. Do not reveal every single personal detail of yours.
10) Do not change yourself just to impress others. Have principles you'll stick to.
11) Health is above anything else.
12) Instagram and Facebook 'likes' are insignificant. Allowing social medias take control of your life and your self-esteem is plain stupid.
13) Have ambitions and be serious about your future.
14) Be grateful for everything. Thank every single person who has helped you out.
15) Spend quality time with your loved ones , not your phone. You won't know when will be the last time you see them.
16) Be positive. Having pessimistic thoughts will further make things don't go your way.
17) Do not ever conform. You're not the society's puppet. Disagree when you have to. Be yourself.
18) Accept your mistakes and learn. Do not live in the past - live in the moment instead. The reason why people keep making mistakes is because they think of mistakes as the past , and there'll be none in the present.
19) Always go out of the syllabus. Do not limit your learning process just because your teacher said that anything irrelevant to the syllabus is not coming out for exams.
20) Exams and grades are not everything. No one can judge your abilities based on a test paper.
21) It's not too late to try anything new .
22) Do not rush into a relationship. Good things take time.
23) Be forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes.
24) Do not jump to conclusions. There are three sides : Claims made by the involved, claims made by the witness, and the truth.
25) Anything is possible.
26) Do not always have unnecessary worries and stress. What you see as problems are not permanent.
27) Always question 'why?' .
28) Rational > emotional.
29) You're not always right. Seek for advice when in doubt.
30) Take some time to read, watch movies , shop , go to concerts, etc. No one's rushing you. You are putting yourself in the rush to complete anything you feel is more important, like revisions, exams , etc. Just stop. Relax.
31) Have respect for everyone.
32) Be a feminist , not a sexist.
33) Pay attention to politics and national affairs. Stop saying they don't matter because they do affect your life.
34) Be nice but not gullible.
35) Have one or two trusted friends to tell your dilemmas/problems to. Your 'closet' can't fit too many 'rags'.
36) Always be willing to help out others,unless you're really incapable of doing so.
37) Your weakness could be a strength.
38) Be considerate with words. You'll never know that harmless remarks could be daggers.
39) If others try to bring you down, prove them wrong .
40) Be open about criticisms.
Happy 2016 ! Let's leave the past and look forward into the future.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
' I don't understand. '
I don't understand either. Why are you always condemning the way I handle my matters ? There is no right or wrong in here. I have no right to interrupt your way and therefore , you should do the same. I greatly dislike how you always assume that I allow myself to be defined by the society. Pardon me, who's defining who now ? You are. I know that you mean well for everything you've said but you can't expect me to be on the same page with you every single time. Why do you see that accepting my own flaws isn't good ? Well hello, I'm just being frank with myself . There's a gap between being hard on myself and being way too honest with myself. Perhaps you couldn't see that I am a perfectionist - I can't blame you for that. I hope , that one day , you would fit yourself in my shoes and realise that you're sometimes wrong about me. You , and everyone else , have more to learn about me. I do not opt to argue with you over facts as it's obvious that you know so much. I dare not say I'm better, since I'm only 19 and still immature, but I know what the reality holds for everyone. Different people have different opinions, and that's what makes everyone so unique in their own way. Humans struggle to make their way around the cruel world , and that's how they really learn , not through books but experience, which I believe is way more valuable. I am at fault too ,for composing this rather unnecessary post , but I felt the need to get something off my chest. I'm not angry , really. Perhaps I don't know you well enough too. Despite the disagreements, I enjoy talking and exchanging views with you. Continue bringing up topics I hate , because that's how I'm going to train my patience and ability to think more critically from different perspectives. Last but not least, I hope I'm not wrong about you. I wish you respect the views of others and be fascinated about the vast knowledge that could only be gained from the outside world when you're ready to step out of your room, homie. You're one of the very few people whom I can really interact with so thank you for approaching me first. If it wasn't for you , I would not have such an amazing friend. I've never tried to convince you on something, not because I'm not good at it - I just didn't feel like doing so. See? There's so much you don't know about me yet. I shall let you continue assuming that it was another person. No point explaining myself. Till then .
I don't understand either. Why are you always condemning the way I handle my matters ? There is no right or wrong in here. I have no right to interrupt your way and therefore , you should do the same. I greatly dislike how you always assume that I allow myself to be defined by the society. Pardon me, who's defining who now ? You are. I know that you mean well for everything you've said but you can't expect me to be on the same page with you every single time. Why do you see that accepting my own flaws isn't good ? Well hello, I'm just being frank with myself . There's a gap between being hard on myself and being way too honest with myself. Perhaps you couldn't see that I am a perfectionist - I can't blame you for that. I hope , that one day , you would fit yourself in my shoes and realise that you're sometimes wrong about me. You , and everyone else , have more to learn about me. I do not opt to argue with you over facts as it's obvious that you know so much. I dare not say I'm better, since I'm only 19 and still immature, but I know what the reality holds for everyone. Different people have different opinions, and that's what makes everyone so unique in their own way. Humans struggle to make their way around the cruel world , and that's how they really learn , not through books but experience, which I believe is way more valuable. I am at fault too ,for composing this rather unnecessary post , but I felt the need to get something off my chest. I'm not angry , really. Perhaps I don't know you well enough too. Despite the disagreements, I enjoy talking and exchanging views with you. Continue bringing up topics I hate , because that's how I'm going to train my patience and ability to think more critically from different perspectives. Last but not least, I hope I'm not wrong about you. I wish you respect the views of others and be fascinated about the vast knowledge that could only be gained from the outside world when you're ready to step out of your room, homie. You're one of the very few people whom I can really interact with so thank you for approaching me first. If it wasn't for you , I would not have such an amazing friend. I've never tried to convince you on something, not because I'm not good at it - I just didn't feel like doing so. See? There's so much you don't know about me yet. I shall let you continue assuming that it was another person. No point explaining myself. Till then .
Sunday, November 15, 2015
College - The Finale
It felt like yesterday. One and a half years just passed in a blink of an eye. The roller coaster ride of A-Levels has finally come to an end.
I'm not being sentimental here. I have unexplainable mixed feelings, a majority of which is happiness, followed by a heavy heart. I don't give a damm about leaving Sunway, but having to part ways with the people who were on the same ride with me in college, well it meant something.
There's a significant difference between high school and college. You're only able to meet your friends in school yet you assume you know them well, without realising that they own habits at home that you hate to the core. You only need to adapt to the personality they wear at school, and everything which took place in school is what still connects you and your friends. In college, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I need to adapt to new people and environment on my own, away from home. It was a tough challenge, given that I took almost two years to know my current group of friends in high school. 1.5 years seemed insufficient for an awkward panda like me. I've been living with my family since birth and I found it a little difficult to process the thought of living temporarily under the same roof with six strangers. ( One of them is my long-time friend lol )
I was literally on my own , without my mother's comforting food and my father's jokes. Studying was once a slow, relaxing process back in my high school days, but not in college. Since I was a bursary student, I was exposed to other bursary holders who were always in the rat race. I feared them. I wasn't worried about not catching up with the others and it wasn't my slightest concern that I'm not a top student among them. The pressure cooked up around me and I felt like escaping the place every second. Neither do I want to conform nor do I want to know anyone. I was also worried about interacting with people. What if I offend them by saying something inappropriate unconsciously? I don't know these people , and I definitely wouldn't want to get into trouble. Therefore , I resorted to being quiet and cautious. I even decided not to make eye contact and befriend anyone in class. Having only housemates as my allies seemed to be okay to me because all I wished was for this course to end quickly.
Fearing that everyone has ulterior motives, I avoided the need to share my thoughts and forced myself to put on fake smiles and have overly friendly personality. Dragging myself through the course was like the only aim I had initially. I was more discouraged when I saw my classmates on the first day of class. They had solemn, arrogant faces and the only impression I had on them was 'Nerds' . They didn't seem appealing to me , so I had no reason to approach them. Fortunately, I had my housemate with me and that's what kept me going in the dreadful classes...
Days went by and I thought to myself, ' This isn't that bad at all. ' What I disliked were class tests and examinations. It made me question myself everyday if I made the right choice for doing A-Levels. I did not have much time for myself as I was always staying up late , completing assignments and revising for upcoming class tests. The lecturers were always emphasising on A*s , importance of forecast results and Top In The World Awards , which made I feel like I was living in a fast forwarded universe. Everything was in a rush that decisions had to be made promptly and rationality was somehow neglected. It was crazy. We were not allowed to go beyond what's in the syllabus so tell me , how is this learning? Apparently, spamming past year papers was the solution to obtaining straight A*. Study only for exams. I felt stupid for having myself fall into this trap of fallacy and if I were to choose again, A-Levels is off the list. It literally made my life hectic and miserable for nothing, not to mention that my acne problem was invited back.
Despite the overwhelming negativity in the above paragraphs, there were moments which I truly enjoyed in college. My classmates proved to me that I was just being judgmental. I started befriending them , especially the group of guys in the second semester after my student council term ended. They share their vast knowledge which is an eye-opener to me and the topics of discussions we had during our lunch and sometimes midnight sessions vary from A to Z. Debunk the boring thoughts of them because they aren't at all. For once in my life, I felt like I belong. I was able to open up and talk about my topics of interests together with them , without the fear that I might be ostracised if they find me uninteresting. I had the opportunity of listening to stories of people from different walks of life and share my experiences ( although I prefer not to most of the time ). It's rare for someone to find a group of people who share the same 'frequency' and openly debate on matters rationally and professionally without unnecessary dramas and grudges.
Being in college has proven to me that every single human being is unique. I was exposed to people whom I've never met in my small hometown and learned how to deal with them. Life is full of surprises and so are they. 1.5 years seemed like 10 years and it just ended like that, although I've just gotten to know my friends better. We've been through many spontaneous adventures and unexpected journeys in less than the period of time I used to take to befriend people in high school. Undeniably, I've grown up although I still have a lot to learn. Initially, I planned to write messages to all of friends but couldn't make it due to time constraints. Time just had to tear us apart before I could even know them more personally. If any of you happen to stumble on this post, read it 'cos it's dedicated to you.
Thank you for playing a part in my life. I swear we'll meet again , since our paths have already intertwined and I'm dying to know your remaining stories. All of you know who you are. As for my housemates, I have an extra message for you girls. Thank you for being my temporary family members. How can I forget the times we had together when it's deeply etched in my heart? I can't help but feel touched when all of you took care of me when I was ill. The ups and downs, deep o' clock sessions and girls' talks we had together are worth a million. We supported one another whenever one of us was stressed and look at how far we've come. Perseverance and unity kept us moving forward , shaping us into stronger and bolder individuals.
I don't hate goodbyes, I don't like them either. Sorry that I don't bid adieu properly. I'd rather have the thought of having my college friends as a part of my life than to think that we might not meet again. Therefore , no goodbyes from me. See you later? ;)
The people and the memories are the only things worth remembering from college. May we all fulfil the dreams we have as naive ambitious youths.
I'm not being sentimental here. I have unexplainable mixed feelings, a majority of which is happiness, followed by a heavy heart. I don't give a damm about leaving Sunway, but having to part ways with the people who were on the same ride with me in college, well it meant something.
There's a significant difference between high school and college. You're only able to meet your friends in school yet you assume you know them well, without realising that they own habits at home that you hate to the core. You only need to adapt to the personality they wear at school, and everything which took place in school is what still connects you and your friends. In college, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I need to adapt to new people and environment on my own, away from home. It was a tough challenge, given that I took almost two years to know my current group of friends in high school. 1.5 years seemed insufficient for an awkward panda like me. I've been living with my family since birth and I found it a little difficult to process the thought of living temporarily under the same roof with six strangers. ( One of them is my long-time friend lol )
I was literally on my own , without my mother's comforting food and my father's jokes. Studying was once a slow, relaxing process back in my high school days, but not in college. Since I was a bursary student, I was exposed to other bursary holders who were always in the rat race. I feared them. I wasn't worried about not catching up with the others and it wasn't my slightest concern that I'm not a top student among them. The pressure cooked up around me and I felt like escaping the place every second. Neither do I want to conform nor do I want to know anyone. I was also worried about interacting with people. What if I offend them by saying something inappropriate unconsciously? I don't know these people , and I definitely wouldn't want to get into trouble. Therefore , I resorted to being quiet and cautious. I even decided not to make eye contact and befriend anyone in class. Having only housemates as my allies seemed to be okay to me because all I wished was for this course to end quickly.
Fearing that everyone has ulterior motives, I avoided the need to share my thoughts and forced myself to put on fake smiles and have overly friendly personality. Dragging myself through the course was like the only aim I had initially. I was more discouraged when I saw my classmates on the first day of class. They had solemn, arrogant faces and the only impression I had on them was 'Nerds' . They didn't seem appealing to me , so I had no reason to approach them. Fortunately, I had my housemate with me and that's what kept me going in the dreadful classes...
Days went by and I thought to myself, ' This isn't that bad at all. ' What I disliked were class tests and examinations. It made me question myself everyday if I made the right choice for doing A-Levels. I did not have much time for myself as I was always staying up late , completing assignments and revising for upcoming class tests. The lecturers were always emphasising on A*s , importance of forecast results and Top In The World Awards , which made I feel like I was living in a fast forwarded universe. Everything was in a rush that decisions had to be made promptly and rationality was somehow neglected. It was crazy. We were not allowed to go beyond what's in the syllabus so tell me , how is this learning? Apparently, spamming past year papers was the solution to obtaining straight A*. Study only for exams. I felt stupid for having myself fall into this trap of fallacy and if I were to choose again, A-Levels is off the list. It literally made my life hectic and miserable for nothing, not to mention that my acne problem was invited back.
Despite the overwhelming negativity in the above paragraphs, there were moments which I truly enjoyed in college. My classmates proved to me that I was just being judgmental. I started befriending them , especially the group of guys in the second semester after my student council term ended. They share their vast knowledge which is an eye-opener to me and the topics of discussions we had during our lunch and sometimes midnight sessions vary from A to Z. Debunk the boring thoughts of them because they aren't at all. For once in my life, I felt like I belong. I was able to open up and talk about my topics of interests together with them , without the fear that I might be ostracised if they find me uninteresting. I had the opportunity of listening to stories of people from different walks of life and share my experiences ( although I prefer not to most of the time ). It's rare for someone to find a group of people who share the same 'frequency' and openly debate on matters rationally and professionally without unnecessary dramas and grudges.
Being in college has proven to me that every single human being is unique. I was exposed to people whom I've never met in my small hometown and learned how to deal with them. Life is full of surprises and so are they. 1.5 years seemed like 10 years and it just ended like that, although I've just gotten to know my friends better. We've been through many spontaneous adventures and unexpected journeys in less than the period of time I used to take to befriend people in high school. Undeniably, I've grown up although I still have a lot to learn. Initially, I planned to write messages to all of friends but couldn't make it due to time constraints. Time just had to tear us apart before I could even know them more personally. If any of you happen to stumble on this post, read it 'cos it's dedicated to you.
Thank you for playing a part in my life. I swear we'll meet again , since our paths have already intertwined and I'm dying to know your remaining stories. All of you know who you are. As for my housemates, I have an extra message for you girls. Thank you for being my temporary family members. How can I forget the times we had together when it's deeply etched in my heart? I can't help but feel touched when all of you took care of me when I was ill. The ups and downs, deep o' clock sessions and girls' talks we had together are worth a million. We supported one another whenever one of us was stressed and look at how far we've come. Perseverance and unity kept us moving forward , shaping us into stronger and bolder individuals.
I don't hate goodbyes, I don't like them either. Sorry that I don't bid adieu properly. I'd rather have the thought of having my college friends as a part of my life than to think that we might not meet again. Therefore , no goodbyes from me. See you later? ;)
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| Nigga's bday |
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| Out of Vogue |
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| McD mou? |
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| First semester |
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| ALSCO @ AAD |
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| Mah homies |
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| During the main dog's birthday |
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| Housemates |
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| Classmates |
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| Housemates II |
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| Midnight birthday celebrations are mandatory |
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| Hi-tea with Novel and MY |
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| Less than 3 |
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| Fish ball Rachel HAHAHA |
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| My cutie pies , Meen and MY |
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| Meet Uncle Maxis |
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| Koala Pei Qi LOL |
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| Classmates II |
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| Housemates III |
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| Confidant and best bud , Tan MY |
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| Classmates III |
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| Meen's missing |
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| Spontaneous midnight karaoke session with the nigga and MY |
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| ... |
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| Teng teng teng teng... |
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| KV and I . Fish ball nigga just had to photobomb. |
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| ALSCO |
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| Grad night with da gurls |
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| KL , Meen and I |
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| Ms Amy, the girls and the dogs. |
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| Last day of AS |
Saturday, August 15, 2015
15/8/2015
I've been thinking a lot these days, in the midst of the very last hectic, torturous phase of A-Level. Random thoughts about political issues, depreciating currency, opinions of others on certain subjects , and even food get me so indulged that I sometimes fail to take notice of what's going on around. I'm definitely not maximising my brain capacity , but I seem to enjoy thinking. Who says that overthinking kills happiness? Specifically, unnecessary pessimistic overthinking does. My thinking is more towards figuring out stuffs and asking myself questions I never thought of.
Undeniably, I've been quiet nowadays. Not to say I was talkative, but I speak lesser now. I'm not having those hermit , 'emo' moments when one isolates him/herself from people. I tend to devote more time for myself , for my development in thinking. Put academics aside, I have to deal with troublesome university applications, in which a really convincing personal statement and good forecast results are required. It occurred to me that I'm not the only person fighting for a place in university. There are many capable applicants who have better qualifications than me out there, and whom universities highly prefer. Well, does that mean I have to stop trying? Nope. Some may argue, why personal statement when the university can assess us based on our results? Contrary to popular belief, a string of A's may not guarantee you a place in your dream institution. Universities need to see another side of you , your passion for the degree of choice and the firm reasons why you are worth their time. It's literally marketing , via an essay. Nonetheless, I do wonder if a personal statement is 100% honest. How would universities know if the 'passion' delivered through words written in a piece of paper genuine ? The emotions and enthusiasm in the essay can be faked out, just like how a Hollywood actress cry within seconds as if her boob surgery failed. This got me wondering. You can pretend to be very interested, and the university of your choice will be very much convinced. Once, my lecturer mentioned to me about how a student's effort can be judged from the test paper. This got me thinking again. What if that particular student actually worked hard for the subject , yet did not manage to answer the questions? The student cannot be seen trying as the answer space is left blank. Hence, he/she could be labelled as not making effort, not working hard. Is this even fair? I can't say much , but I do find this ridiculous.
It is indeed tough to assess a person. They say evidence is needed- what type? " Do not expect the fish to climb the tree, because it definitely can't. "
" Thinking is better than having empty talks "
Undeniably, I've been quiet nowadays. Not to say I was talkative, but I speak lesser now. I'm not having those hermit , 'emo' moments when one isolates him/herself from people. I tend to devote more time for myself , for my development in thinking. Put academics aside, I have to deal with troublesome university applications, in which a really convincing personal statement and good forecast results are required. It occurred to me that I'm not the only person fighting for a place in university. There are many capable applicants who have better qualifications than me out there, and whom universities highly prefer. Well, does that mean I have to stop trying? Nope. Some may argue, why personal statement when the university can assess us based on our results? Contrary to popular belief, a string of A's may not guarantee you a place in your dream institution. Universities need to see another side of you , your passion for the degree of choice and the firm reasons why you are worth their time. It's literally marketing , via an essay. Nonetheless, I do wonder if a personal statement is 100% honest. How would universities know if the 'passion' delivered through words written in a piece of paper genuine ? The emotions and enthusiasm in the essay can be faked out, just like how a Hollywood actress cry within seconds as if her boob surgery failed. This got me wondering. You can pretend to be very interested, and the university of your choice will be very much convinced. Once, my lecturer mentioned to me about how a student's effort can be judged from the test paper. This got me thinking again. What if that particular student actually worked hard for the subject , yet did not manage to answer the questions? The student cannot be seen trying as the answer space is left blank. Hence, he/she could be labelled as not making effort, not working hard. Is this even fair? I can't say much , but I do find this ridiculous.
It is indeed tough to assess a person. They say evidence is needed- what type? " Do not expect the fish to climb the tree, because it definitely can't. "
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Fed Up
I'm fed up with college.
Fed up with examinations.
Fed up with classes.
Fed up with the tight schedule.
Fed up with the possibility that I might not be able to achieve my goals.
Fed up with people who dragged me into unnecessary dramas.
Fed up with people who think they know me well.
Fed up with people who talk shit to me when all I want is to have a deep conversation.
Fed up with the rat race that I'm made to participate.
Fed up with the fact that sometimes ends just don't meet.
Fed up with myself for wanting to give up on my ambition at times.
Fed up with myself for persevering when all I want is a break.
Fed up with the person who takes me as invisible and constantly blocks my path.
Fed up with the high requirements set by the universities I'm applying to.
Fed up with the worries I sometimes carry with me.
Fed up with the shackled mindsets people are having.
Fed up with the acnes growing on my face like mushrooms after rain.
Fed up with myself for only knowing how to complain.
Yet I'm still not fed up with life.
Fed up with examinations.
Fed up with classes.
Fed up with the tight schedule.
Fed up with the possibility that I might not be able to achieve my goals.
Fed up with people who dragged me into unnecessary dramas.
Fed up with people who think they know me well.
Fed up with people who talk shit to me when all I want is to have a deep conversation.
Fed up with the rat race that I'm made to participate.
Fed up with the fact that sometimes ends just don't meet.
Fed up with myself for wanting to give up on my ambition at times.
Fed up with myself for persevering when all I want is a break.
Fed up with the person who takes me as invisible and constantly blocks my path.
Fed up with the high requirements set by the universities I'm applying to.
Fed up with the worries I sometimes carry with me.
Fed up with the shackled mindsets people are having.
Fed up with the acnes growing on my face like mushrooms after rain.
Fed up with myself for only knowing how to complain.
Yet I'm still not fed up with life.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
July
It's been a month since I've posted any updates. Well , it's no joke that days seem to be more hectic than before since the day Semester 3 commenced. Lecturers rushing to complete the syllabus , pressurising us to work 24/7 for that goddamm A when in the end , I learned nothing. Absolutely nothing is assimilated. Every single day , I attend classes , listen ( or rather , pretend to ) to lectures , and return to my hostel in the end of the day. This routine is repetitive , and I feel like I'm on a bullet train. Time passes by very fast , I do the same thing everyday , yet I wonder what I actually achieved from the daily hectic routine. It's all pointless. My whole July is wasted , on nothing. There is no significance to everything. How I wish I'm in a dream , because it just feels like nightmare.
Not forgetting that my 19th birthday's on the 2nd. Since it was a Thursday and I was away from home , my housemates celebrated with me. As a person who's skeptical about almost everything , I'd already predicted that they'll throw me a surprise. It's a tradition for me and my housemates , to plan birthday surprises for one another. Coincidentally , it'd been exactly a year since we first met , so we travelled to Alchemist Cafe in SS15 for a mini anniversary celebration.
Once we reached the hostel , I was starting to feel a little lethargic ( I am these days ) so I showered and planned to go to bed early.
The story doesn't stop there. Like I expected , two of my housemates tried to get me to somewhere by coming up with lame excuses. Come on lah , you think I don't know something's going on ? I just followed them downstairs after being bugged for a while. As they directed me to the swimming pool , I saw the lane next to it decorated with balloons. Aha ! I knew it ! I expected my housemates to be there , waiting to pounce on me as I walked down the lane.
Apparently my housemates weren't the only people there. One of my classmates jumped out from his hiding spot and started spraying party strings on me. I shrieked , because I didn't see this coming. My housemates actually invited my classmates to be a part of this plan. Words cannot describe how shocked I was at the moment. I became dumbfounded for a few seconds as my legs trembled.
Walao eh. My housemates outsmarted me. LOLOLOL.
Not forgetting that my 19th birthday's on the 2nd. Since it was a Thursday and I was away from home , my housemates celebrated with me. As a person who's skeptical about almost everything , I'd already predicted that they'll throw me a surprise. It's a tradition for me and my housemates , to plan birthday surprises for one another. Coincidentally , it'd been exactly a year since we first met , so we travelled to Alchemist Cafe in SS15 for a mini anniversary celebration.
The story doesn't stop there. Like I expected , two of my housemates tried to get me to somewhere by coming up with lame excuses. Come on lah , you think I don't know something's going on ? I just followed them downstairs after being bugged for a while. As they directed me to the swimming pool , I saw the lane next to it decorated with balloons. Aha ! I knew it ! I expected my housemates to be there , waiting to pounce on me as I walked down the lane.
Apparently my housemates weren't the only people there. One of my classmates jumped out from his hiding spot and started spraying party strings on me. I shrieked , because I didn't see this coming. My housemates actually invited my classmates to be a part of this plan. Words cannot describe how shocked I was at the moment. I became dumbfounded for a few seconds as my legs trembled.
Walao eh. My housemates outsmarted me. LOLOLOL.
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| They made me bite the candle lol |
I'm really grateful for what you guys had done for me :) It was definitely a memorable day. Not forgetting those who came but left early.
My ALSCO mates also planned a surprise celebration the day before , in conjunction of Ms Ann's birthday. Now I know why MY bugged me to go .
I guess that's all about 2nd of July.
I hate dramas and hate to be in one , yet I was made to be involved in an unnecessary one. Not only I might have lost a close friend , I got myself haters whom I don't even know in the first place.
I hate it when people have to condemn the way I solve my problem. Hello , it's my problem okay? Are they expecting me to do what seems right to them ? This is why I dislike the idea of conformity. Love it or hate it , my only aim is to achieve a win-win situation. This is between me and the party involved. There's a mutual agreement between us and we're totally cool about it. So people , shut up. Try fitting in my shoes before talking behind my back and making judgements about my actions. I will not stick to what everyone usually do because I am different from them. I have my own ideas and opinions without feeling the need to follow the crowd in order to fit in and whatsoever. Please pay some respect. You do not have the rights to interfere or make pointless criticisms which seem to be 'wise' . Call me 'rude' , 'bitch' , 'devil' and I'll thank you for slapping some sense about the reality into me. Via this drama , things I've never come to know were all exposed , and everyday has been nothing but a surprise. I accepted , but I couldn't pretend that nothing happen. Everything's not gonna be the same as it used to be anymore.
I'm so sick of people. And dramas. And people.
July might not be a good month after all, with the national scandal and the reshuffling of Cabinet. Is there still hope for people and also my country ?
I'm starting to doubt my feelings. Maybe I shouldn't have it in the first place. It must be a curse since the same scenario takes place every time. When can this be broken ? Am I destined to lose what I really like ?
Kthnxbai.
Monday, May 4, 2015
#DearMe : Letter to 19-year-old Me
Dear 19-year-old Me ,
Hi , I'm the 20-year-old you. I'm penning this letter to inquire about you , even though I've already known what's ahead of you. It may be bizarre , talking to my past self when I should be doing something better . I don't mind , sparing some quality time with myself , but are you willing to spend some time reading this ?
4th of May. You're now facing one of the most crucial moments in your A-Level life. The AS examination is just 2 days away. Do you feel pressured ? You seem to be relaxed. Your countenance shows sang-froid with no significant emotion. Are you really not stressed ? Are you okay with not studying 24/7 like your friends ?
I know you more than anyone does. I fathom the complexity of your thoughts. On the outside , you look composed but in the inside, random thoughts are running through your mind right now. Did I just hit the jackpot ? Tell me , is doing past year papers helpful ? I get it , it's the only way to secure your A's . You always say that life is not about grades and you will not succumb to mediocracy. Why are you contradicting yourself ? I wish you could have your own stand instead of joining the crowd.
Am I wrong ? Fine , I apologise for that misunderstanding. Maybe I don't understand you at all.
Dear me , I wish you could stop devoting too much time and energy to academics . Please , do not let me feel remorseful about what I could've done when I was nineteen. You are not obligated to have really good grades just to please everyone . I know, your A-Level results is the yardstick that determines the success of getting an admission into the university of your dreams , but it's not everything. Your growth , your learning process and your maturity matter more when it comes to preparing yourself for the entrance into society .
I'm pretty sure you did not learn much in college . You just picked up the skills of scoring a certain question and the strategies of completing a certain paper in time. It sucks , doesn't it , doing something against your own will? What's worse is , you're not allowed to write in your own pace. There is no other choice but to alter the way you grip your pen after 18 years. You used to find pleasure in writing , but now you don't. It's okay , it's not your fault that you grip your pen differently.
Hey , if it's too much for you to handle , remember , I'm living a pretty good life now. No matter how suffocating your college life is , it will eventually come to an end. Fret not , it will end well. I wish you could talk more to people around you, instead of distancing yourself and keeping yourself hidden in your small confined virtual cubicle. It's okay to be shy , 'cos this is how things always start.
I wish you could be more confident in yourself , in spite of having great dissatisfaction towards your physical appearance . As someone from the future , I can tell you that nobody gives a damm about your acnes because you're already attractive in the inside. Speak out more and voice out your opinions when you have the opportunity. There is no right or wrong in personal views. I'm only a year older but I can view things differently from you. How cool is that ? X)
I notice , you do care a lot about the people around you. There's a limit to everything so be concerned , but do not go beyond. You're not God , you don't solve the problems people are having. All you need to do is to be a good listener. Sometimes choices made by that certain person aren't what you expected and you can be disappointed for the whole day. This is too much. Why are you such a sensitive bitch ? Anyhow , I have no rights to reprimand you since we're both the same person.
There's no point bitching about the things you should've done when you're eighteen , 'cos it's too late. You have another year before going into the 20s category. You've always wanted to enhance your photography skills , especially in portraiture . Have you done so ? Actions speak louder than words so just do it. Time constraint is not an excuse. You're still alive next year. Feel like venturing into something new like astronomy and time paradox ? Go for it. You've always show interest in it.
If you haven't been exercising for some time , you should feel guilty . How can you neglect your health for something which only plays a small part in your university applications ? Geez stop being so pathetic.
It's time to bring the rebel out of you. Never ever stop pursuing what you've always wanted even though it may cause strains in the relationship between you and your parents. My parents , actually. They can't just disown you for defying them , right? Make them support you , even with reluctance . You're 19 , not 13. You can't play the good girl part forever. Stand firm and do not let your stand be shaken by bullshits and unnecessary criticism , unless the criticism's meant for good intention.
There's one more thing I wish you could be. Be brave and overcome your fears , even if it costs you sweat and trembles. See the guy whom you have a crush on ? Don't be afraid to approach and speak to him. You're not doing something stupid , you're just taking up a challenge you've never thought you could overcome. There's nothing left to lose. Blush as much as you want 'cos no one's gonna judge you. A-Level is coming to an end , with six months left. What are you waiting for ?
Hey 19-year-old me , I don't think I wanna take up so much of your time. When you're feeling down , go to sleep. When you're doubtful about your capabilities , constantly remind yourself this :
Hi , I'm the 20-year-old you. I'm penning this letter to inquire about you , even though I've already known what's ahead of you. It may be bizarre , talking to my past self when I should be doing something better . I don't mind , sparing some quality time with myself , but are you willing to spend some time reading this ?
4th of May. You're now facing one of the most crucial moments in your A-Level life. The AS examination is just 2 days away. Do you feel pressured ? You seem to be relaxed. Your countenance shows sang-froid with no significant emotion. Are you really not stressed ? Are you okay with not studying 24/7 like your friends ?
I know you more than anyone does. I fathom the complexity of your thoughts. On the outside , you look composed but in the inside, random thoughts are running through your mind right now. Did I just hit the jackpot ? Tell me , is doing past year papers helpful ? I get it , it's the only way to secure your A's . You always say that life is not about grades and you will not succumb to mediocracy. Why are you contradicting yourself ? I wish you could have your own stand instead of joining the crowd.
Am I wrong ? Fine , I apologise for that misunderstanding. Maybe I don't understand you at all.
Dear me , I wish you could stop devoting too much time and energy to academics . Please , do not let me feel remorseful about what I could've done when I was nineteen. You are not obligated to have really good grades just to please everyone . I know, your A-Level results is the yardstick that determines the success of getting an admission into the university of your dreams , but it's not everything. Your growth , your learning process and your maturity matter more when it comes to preparing yourself for the entrance into society .
I'm pretty sure you did not learn much in college . You just picked up the skills of scoring a certain question and the strategies of completing a certain paper in time. It sucks , doesn't it , doing something against your own will? What's worse is , you're not allowed to write in your own pace. There is no other choice but to alter the way you grip your pen after 18 years. You used to find pleasure in writing , but now you don't. It's okay , it's not your fault that you grip your pen differently.
Hey , if it's too much for you to handle , remember , I'm living a pretty good life now. No matter how suffocating your college life is , it will eventually come to an end. Fret not , it will end well. I wish you could talk more to people around you, instead of distancing yourself and keeping yourself hidden in your small confined virtual cubicle. It's okay to be shy , 'cos this is how things always start.
I wish you could be more confident in yourself , in spite of having great dissatisfaction towards your physical appearance . As someone from the future , I can tell you that nobody gives a damm about your acnes because you're already attractive in the inside. Speak out more and voice out your opinions when you have the opportunity. There is no right or wrong in personal views. I'm only a year older but I can view things differently from you. How cool is that ? X)
I notice , you do care a lot about the people around you. There's a limit to everything so be concerned , but do not go beyond. You're not God , you don't solve the problems people are having. All you need to do is to be a good listener. Sometimes choices made by that certain person aren't what you expected and you can be disappointed for the whole day. This is too much. Why are you such a sensitive bitch ? Anyhow , I have no rights to reprimand you since we're both the same person.
There's no point bitching about the things you should've done when you're eighteen , 'cos it's too late. You have another year before going into the 20s category. You've always wanted to enhance your photography skills , especially in portraiture . Have you done so ? Actions speak louder than words so just do it. Time constraint is not an excuse. You're still alive next year. Feel like venturing into something new like astronomy and time paradox ? Go for it. You've always show interest in it.
If you haven't been exercising for some time , you should feel guilty . How can you neglect your health for something which only plays a small part in your university applications ? Geez stop being so pathetic.
It's time to bring the rebel out of you. Never ever stop pursuing what you've always wanted even though it may cause strains in the relationship between you and your parents. My parents , actually. They can't just disown you for defying them , right? Make them support you , even with reluctance . You're 19 , not 13. You can't play the good girl part forever. Stand firm and do not let your stand be shaken by bullshits and unnecessary criticism , unless the criticism's meant for good intention.
There's one more thing I wish you could be. Be brave and overcome your fears , even if it costs you sweat and trembles. See the guy whom you have a crush on ? Don't be afraid to approach and speak to him. You're not doing something stupid , you're just taking up a challenge you've never thought you could overcome. There's nothing left to lose. Blush as much as you want 'cos no one's gonna judge you. A-Level is coming to an end , with six months left. What are you waiting for ?
Hey 19-year-old me , I don't think I wanna take up so much of your time. When you're feeling down , go to sleep. When you're doubtful about your capabilities , constantly remind yourself this :
" If they can , why can't I ? "
When you're really sure you're not capable in something , never to give yourself such high expectations. When you decide to be happy , look for something that could brighten up your day even more. When you know something doesn't end up to be yours , accept the fact that it could never be yours and have faith that something better is coming. Keep calm and breathe. Never let anxiety come in your way.
Have a nice day :)
Yours truly ,
20-year-old you
Friday, April 24, 2015
Fret
Growing up as an ordinary human being in an ordinary human in a small town , I've always wondered why people like to worry a lot about problems that don't seem to be significant to me. People can just wail about their fashion disasters , cry over heartbreaks , fret when they couldn't get tickets to watch their idols' performances and etc.
To be honest , I don't give a damm about these matters. Yes , I have not experienced these over-exaggerated problems and I have no right to question or to mock anyone about their priorities . One question , have they experienced something worse like death ?
The reason why I don't see their problems as a big deal because I myself had gone through hardships, despite being barely 19. To be more precise , I am facing a life obstacle right now. No , it's not death , it's just something that struck me all of a sudden.
Surprise , surprise.
I wouldn't reveal what happened because it's something personal and related to my family. It's pretty critical , and I'm currently in
the darkest period of my life. Put academics aside , I now have another issue to worry about .
As an odd person whose tear ducts are inactive , I actually broke down. I was at the verge of breaking down the past few days with the pressure I'm getting from my upcoming examination and with this sudden outbreak , I now have the reason to cry like a normal girl. 15 minutes later , I decided to pretend nothing's going on. That's how I taught myself to be strong with the difficulty still lingering around.
When times are hard , one doesn't simply give up. I'm now contemplating whether to do so , but no one can really lift me off the ground except for myself. The amount of responsibilities I have to bear at the age of almost 19 , are comparable to the amount of fun people of the same age are having. Tell me , how can I not be weird?
If you make a big deal out of petty issues like relationships at a young age, inability to buy the latest brands , betrayal by unworthy friends , failure to get A's in all subjects - just pause. Look around you , there is something better to be worried about. Global issues like poverty , injustice , discrimination , human rights , education need attention from everyone. Your dearest family and your closest friends require you to be concerned about them. Do not waste your time and effort to fret over something that might not even play a significant role in your life. If you feel like leaving your past , abandon it because there is a reason why it's called the past. Most importantly , spend some quality time alone. It's the best way to fathom yourself and give yourself a peace of mind.
Fret no more because what I'm going through could be worse off.
People might just perceive it's because of A Level. Whatever.
I hope things will get better.
Kthnxbai.
To be honest , I don't give a damm about these matters. Yes , I have not experienced these over-exaggerated problems and I have no right to question or to mock anyone about their priorities . One question , have they experienced something worse like death ?
The reason why I don't see their problems as a big deal because I myself had gone through hardships, despite being barely 19. To be more precise , I am facing a life obstacle right now. No , it's not death , it's just something that struck me all of a sudden.
Surprise , surprise.
I wouldn't reveal what happened because it's something personal and related to my family. It's pretty critical , and I'm currently in
the darkest period of my life. Put academics aside , I now have another issue to worry about .
As an odd person whose tear ducts are inactive , I actually broke down. I was at the verge of breaking down the past few days with the pressure I'm getting from my upcoming examination and with this sudden outbreak , I now have the reason to cry like a normal girl. 15 minutes later , I decided to pretend nothing's going on. That's how I taught myself to be strong with the difficulty still lingering around.
When times are hard , one doesn't simply give up. I'm now contemplating whether to do so , but no one can really lift me off the ground except for myself. The amount of responsibilities I have to bear at the age of almost 19 , are comparable to the amount of fun people of the same age are having. Tell me , how can I not be weird?
If you make a big deal out of petty issues like relationships at a young age, inability to buy the latest brands , betrayal by unworthy friends , failure to get A's in all subjects - just pause. Look around you , there is something better to be worried about. Global issues like poverty , injustice , discrimination , human rights , education need attention from everyone. Your dearest family and your closest friends require you to be concerned about them. Do not waste your time and effort to fret over something that might not even play a significant role in your life. If you feel like leaving your past , abandon it because there is a reason why it's called the past. Most importantly , spend some quality time alone. It's the best way to fathom yourself and give yourself a peace of mind.
Fret no more because what I'm going through could be worse off.
People might just perceive it's because of A Level. Whatever.
I hope things will get better.
Kthnxbai.
 |
| I wish I have someone to talk to right now. |
Friday, April 3, 2015
Post-mock .
This shall not be mentioned anymore.
Right after mock exams ended , I hung out with my classmates. This outing was planned prior to mock exams , and I'm pretty sure many looked forward to this. Well , I mean some since only half the class joined in for lunch at Nando's and a few of us stayed for a 6-hour karaoke session after that. It's been nine months and I must say that my class took quite a long time to bond compared to other classes , and usually not everyone is involved yet. But hey , better late than never ! My relationship with most of my classmates are getting better and better although I still find it difficult to start a small talk with some of them. No matter how much I detest college , I kinda enjoy the company of my classmates. Yeah , this may sound like a contradiction to my previous post about distancing myself from people , but I realised that spending time alone may not be fun at all. I still need someone to talk to , to laugh with , to smile at , etc. Initially , I did distance myself from people around me. I found serenity , peace - but something just had to be missing. Contradictory to my beliefs , I don't actually enjoy going solo. I yearn for attention , for company. That's creepy yo.
The post-mock celebration is one of my happiest days(countable) in college besides the midnight 'truth or dare' session we had during Shi Qi's birthday. Never knew my dull college life could be so colourful. (at certain times.)
 |
| Midnight birthday celebration and 'truth or dare' session |
 |
| Post-mock @ Nando's |
 |
| With the uncles @ Red Box Karaoke |
As for today , a few of my classmates and I had lunch with Miss Amy (my maths lecturer) at Brotzeit German Bar and Restaurant. The food is irresistibly mouth-watering despite being costly for poor college students like me /.\ Mei Yan and I ordered a set of pork cutlet *slurpp*
 |
| The beauty of food photography | Pork cutlet @ Brotzeit |
By the way , my IELTS results was released at 9.00 a.m. today. I actually did better than what I expected , so there's no need for a retake. The exam fees increased by RM20 fyi.
I was kinda paranoid that I wouldn't do well since I prepared in less than a week's time when other candidates took 2 months . I shouldn't be - it's just a proficiency test. What's wrong with me ? -.-
Anyhow , I'm still glad that I could obtain at least a Band 7 for each section as required by the degree course I'm applying for. I need to have more faith in myself. I shall now proceed to LNAT with IELTS settled.
This sums up my post-mock days in college. HAHA.
kthnxbai.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Things I've Come To Realise This Week
1) I may have feelings for my classmate and I'm unsure if I should be honest about it or not.
2) My own species (girls) are way more dramatic than I expect.
3) I enjoy being alone.
4) I saw the horrifying true colours of the people around me , and I'm struggling to deal with them.
5) I start to distance myself from people after their true colours are revealed.
6) The possibility of finding someone whom I can talk to about my innermost thoughts (soul mate : not necessary relationship partner) seems to be low.
7) I still have trust issues.
8) Undoubtedly , I actually have trust in my dance partner.
9) I still have difficulties in starting a small talk with a random person.
10) Mom's lessons on socialising are not working.
11) I'm still an awkward panda.
12) I can be very stubborn at times.
13) Mock exams are two weeks away and I'm not ready at all.
14) IELTS next week and I haven't done a single shit.
15) I'm addicted to doing my Further Maths homework.
16) I found a new hideout in the library.
kthnxbai.
2) My own species (girls) are way more dramatic than I expect.
3) I enjoy being alone.
4) I saw the horrifying true colours of the people around me , and I'm struggling to deal with them.
5) I start to distance myself from people after their true colours are revealed.
6) The possibility of finding someone whom I can talk to about my innermost thoughts (soul mate : not necessary relationship partner) seems to be low.
7) I still have trust issues.
8) Undoubtedly , I actually have trust in my dance partner.
9) I still have difficulties in starting a small talk with a random person.
10) Mom's lessons on socialising are not working.
11) I'm still an awkward panda.
12) I can be very stubborn at times.
13) Mock exams are two weeks away and I'm not ready at all.
14) IELTS next week and I haven't done a single shit.
15) I'm addicted to doing my Further Maths homework.
16) I found a new hideout in the library.
kthnxbai.
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