Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Stray scholars
Let's make this the first post of 2016.
I lived through the first month of the new year, and I have to admit that I didn't make the most out of it. It's not exactly everyone's desired welcoming month of the year-it's a roller coaster ride of frustration,disappointment,anger,sadness. Literally everyone's thrown into a dark pit of despair, barely able to crawl out towards joy.
The PSD overseas scholarship is terminated OUT OF THE BLUE WITHOUT ANY OFFICIAL STATEMENT and the victims of this issue (Bursary scholars) are greatly affected. If you're given an opportunity to pursue your studies overseas, would you hop on the plane? It is in human's nature that we always want the best offers for ourselves. Come on, who doesn't want to be a part of Oxford or maybe roam around the streets of London and maybe Melbourne? Who doesn't want to be called an Ivy League student? Everyone does. Even I do.
It may sound silly and naive to say this but PSD's informal promise to offer overseas scholarships actually encouraged students to work harder towards achieving their dreams to study in prestigious universities globally. We , were given HOPE. H-O-P-E. Yes, there's no black and white stating that scholarships will be offered automatically, but it seems so as Bursary scholars are usually expected to achieve good grades. With excellent grades, the scholarship is yours. Questions for both sides : Why the false hope? After witnessing how much the nation has gone through, why choose to have trust in the government?
It's not just the grades. We wasted our 1.5 year doing A-Level , during which I didn't learn much but was taught to excel in exams. Does PSD fucking know what can I do with the 1.5 year instead of wasting away my youth in a lifeless place? A-Level is tough. Secondly, university applications are the pain in the ass. For UK, students had to sit for IELTS, churn out a personal statement after many,many drafts , sit for admission tests like LNAT, BMAT and UKCAT and attend interviews, locally and globally. For US, students had to write essays, one or more for EACH university, sit for SAT, ACT, etc. , and go through phone and Skype interviews. I would say that the admission into Australian universities is the easiest, but not when you're a prospective medical student who had to fly here and there for interviews. Not to forget, we had to ask our lecturers to write reference letters for us, and each lecturer had approximately 20 reference letters to work on against the deadline. The application fees, interview fees, courier fees, flight tickets, etc. are very costly indeed. Yes, we can claim it from MOE, but it's not always sufficient. Since we were always running out of time, it's obvious that we could not meet the deadlines of financial claims.
Yes, the scholarship is a privilege, not a right. Nevertheless, termination of the scholarship could mean robbing students of their rights to tertiary education. I dare say that, not all, but most of the Bursary scholars come from low and middle-income families. They took the risk to put their bets on the luxurious, one-way ticket to studying abroad without back-up plans because the opportunity is so assuring. Who would've thought that this could happen? Devastatingly, most of the scholars are at dead ends. Local private universities are too costly and local public universities prefer Matriculation and STPM over A-Levels and IB. Who could be blamed for the aggressive mass media and politicians approach, or maybe the angry statuses all over Facebook? Yes, it's annoying, but do try to put yourselves in our shoes, outsiders.
Dearest keyboard warriors, friends, and friends of friends whom I don't give a fuck about, stop condemning the victims of this issue. We've been through a lot and maybe you should spare us a thought, at least out of sympathy if you couldn't empathize. If someone close to you happens to be a victim, please give him/her words of encouragement, instead of saying things like "I don't think there'll be PSD scholarship for you anymore" or "Told ya so" . Seriously, I don't care about what people have to say since I live to impress no one but myself. It's important to know that a little positivity may help, although it doesn't shed much light on the actual matter.
The Prime Minister finally announced the long-awaited plans for PSD scholarships in conjunction of the announcement of the revised budget. Overseas scholarships are gone, and the hopeless 744 bursary scholars are only given the opportunity to study at local institutions. All the hard work and efforts invested in the university application process can now be flushed down the drain. Oh and maybe the offer letters can be recycled. A moment of silence for Oxbridge, Ivy League offer holders.
This issue shows how the government took things too lightly even though it concerns the future of capable youths. Irresponsible.
Recently, it's been said that the government wishes to turn the country into a regional education hub by making students stay here for their degrees. Good try, but they should stop saying that the local institutions are on par with the top schools worldwide. It's delusional and ironic. If discrimination and quota are not practised in local institutions, I believe they will have a chance to be a part of THE's Top 100 list (at least) . Sadly, it's not the case and this is why the cream of the crop in this country are desperately finding ways to leave. Not all the prestigious universities out there have good lecturers, yet their own students choose to pursue their studies in their own countries. It's not the quality of lecturers or the facilities that count. The students and the policy of education are the main determinants of the quality of an institution. Who actually realises the root of this longstanding problem?
Since last year, I've already started to take into consideration the possibility of the scholarship being terminated when the local currency depreciated tremendously and came up with alternatives. It's a silent warning that the country's economy isn't well-off, and having PSD to sponsor so many students overseas is very impossible. I may be a little disheartened that this day has finally arrived, but at least I'm mentally prepared for the worse. It's not that PSD doesn't want to sponsor us, it's just that the department has no means to do so. There's no point having protests, meetings or campaigns because they don't solve anything.
What's left for us? External scholarships and financial aids. This means higher demand for a lower supply of scholarships. Yes, we should be grateful about the government's decision to place us in local institutions, but it's not exactly a satisfying and clever solution. Places in local universities are limited as well. Till now, we're yet informed about the next step and the new list of sponsored courses and universities. The new policy is flawed,ambiguous and unreliable, leaving us hanging mid-way like strays. Why cut the budget for education when unnecessary expenses can be dismissed? There's nothing much we can do , except for finding ways on our own. Poor or rich, education is priority. Your dreams may be crushed, but don't let this matter crush you inside out.
I'm writing as an affected bursary scholar and am entitled to my own opinions.
I lived through the first month of the new year, and I have to admit that I didn't make the most out of it. It's not exactly everyone's desired welcoming month of the year-it's a roller coaster ride of frustration,disappointment,anger,sadness. Literally everyone's thrown into a dark pit of despair, barely able to crawl out towards joy.
The PSD overseas scholarship is terminated OUT OF THE BLUE WITHOUT ANY OFFICIAL STATEMENT and the victims of this issue (Bursary scholars) are greatly affected. If you're given an opportunity to pursue your studies overseas, would you hop on the plane? It is in human's nature that we always want the best offers for ourselves. Come on, who doesn't want to be a part of Oxford or maybe roam around the streets of London and maybe Melbourne? Who doesn't want to be called an Ivy League student? Everyone does. Even I do.
It may sound silly and naive to say this but PSD's informal promise to offer overseas scholarships actually encouraged students to work harder towards achieving their dreams to study in prestigious universities globally. We , were given HOPE. H-O-P-E. Yes, there's no black and white stating that scholarships will be offered automatically, but it seems so as Bursary scholars are usually expected to achieve good grades. With excellent grades, the scholarship is yours. Questions for both sides : Why the false hope? After witnessing how much the nation has gone through, why choose to have trust in the government?
It's not just the grades. We wasted our 1.5 year doing A-Level , during which I didn't learn much but was taught to excel in exams. Does PSD fucking know what can I do with the 1.5 year instead of wasting away my youth in a lifeless place? A-Level is tough. Secondly, university applications are the pain in the ass. For UK, students had to sit for IELTS, churn out a personal statement after many,many drafts , sit for admission tests like LNAT, BMAT and UKCAT and attend interviews, locally and globally. For US, students had to write essays, one or more for EACH university, sit for SAT, ACT, etc. , and go through phone and Skype interviews. I would say that the admission into Australian universities is the easiest, but not when you're a prospective medical student who had to fly here and there for interviews. Not to forget, we had to ask our lecturers to write reference letters for us, and each lecturer had approximately 20 reference letters to work on against the deadline. The application fees, interview fees, courier fees, flight tickets, etc. are very costly indeed. Yes, we can claim it from MOE, but it's not always sufficient. Since we were always running out of time, it's obvious that we could not meet the deadlines of financial claims.
Yes, the scholarship is a privilege, not a right. Nevertheless, termination of the scholarship could mean robbing students of their rights to tertiary education. I dare say that, not all, but most of the Bursary scholars come from low and middle-income families. They took the risk to put their bets on the luxurious, one-way ticket to studying abroad without back-up plans because the opportunity is so assuring. Who would've thought that this could happen? Devastatingly, most of the scholars are at dead ends. Local private universities are too costly and local public universities prefer Matriculation and STPM over A-Levels and IB. Who could be blamed for the aggressive mass media and politicians approach, or maybe the angry statuses all over Facebook? Yes, it's annoying, but do try to put yourselves in our shoes, outsiders.
Dearest keyboard warriors, friends, and friends of friends whom I don't give a fuck about, stop condemning the victims of this issue. We've been through a lot and maybe you should spare us a thought, at least out of sympathy if you couldn't empathize. If someone close to you happens to be a victim, please give him/her words of encouragement, instead of saying things like "I don't think there'll be PSD scholarship for you anymore" or "Told ya so" . Seriously, I don't care about what people have to say since I live to impress no one but myself. It's important to know that a little positivity may help, although it doesn't shed much light on the actual matter.
The Prime Minister finally announced the long-awaited plans for PSD scholarships in conjunction of the announcement of the revised budget. Overseas scholarships are gone, and the hopeless 744 bursary scholars are only given the opportunity to study at local institutions. All the hard work and efforts invested in the university application process can now be flushed down the drain. Oh and maybe the offer letters can be recycled. A moment of silence for Oxbridge, Ivy League offer holders.
This issue shows how the government took things too lightly even though it concerns the future of capable youths. Irresponsible.
Recently, it's been said that the government wishes to turn the country into a regional education hub by making students stay here for their degrees. Good try, but they should stop saying that the local institutions are on par with the top schools worldwide. It's delusional and ironic. If discrimination and quota are not practised in local institutions, I believe they will have a chance to be a part of THE's Top 100 list (at least) . Sadly, it's not the case and this is why the cream of the crop in this country are desperately finding ways to leave. Not all the prestigious universities out there have good lecturers, yet their own students choose to pursue their studies in their own countries. It's not the quality of lecturers or the facilities that count. The students and the policy of education are the main determinants of the quality of an institution. Who actually realises the root of this longstanding problem?
Since last year, I've already started to take into consideration the possibility of the scholarship being terminated when the local currency depreciated tremendously and came up with alternatives. It's a silent warning that the country's economy isn't well-off, and having PSD to sponsor so many students overseas is very impossible. I may be a little disheartened that this day has finally arrived, but at least I'm mentally prepared for the worse. It's not that PSD doesn't want to sponsor us, it's just that the department has no means to do so. There's no point having protests, meetings or campaigns because they don't solve anything.
What's left for us? External scholarships and financial aids. This means higher demand for a lower supply of scholarships. Yes, we should be grateful about the government's decision to place us in local institutions, but it's not exactly a satisfying and clever solution. Places in local universities are limited as well. Till now, we're yet informed about the next step and the new list of sponsored courses and universities. The new policy is flawed,ambiguous and unreliable, leaving us hanging mid-way like strays. Why cut the budget for education when unnecessary expenses can be dismissed? There's nothing much we can do , except for finding ways on our own. Poor or rich, education is priority. Your dreams may be crushed, but don't let this matter crush you inside out.
I'm writing as an affected bursary scholar and am entitled to my own opinions.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
What 2015 taught me.
1) Despite any ups or downs , life still has to go on.
2) Everyone is unique. Underestimating others doesn't make you outstanding in any way.
3) Be a good listener and interrupt less. That's how you learn and think before accepting statements made by others.
4) Having self-confidence is very important.
5) Don't give a fuck about people's negative comments because they don't know what they're saying most of the time.
6) Be humble because there are many who know more than you do.
7) Talk to different people. Don't limit your social circle to only your childhood friends, classmates, etc. We learn through people and get to know more about what the society has in store for us.
8) Learn to have empathy for others. Be sincere and kind.
9) At the same time , keep some things to only yourself. Do not reveal every single personal detail of yours.
10) Do not change yourself just to impress others. Have principles you'll stick to.
11) Health is above anything else.
12) Instagram and Facebook 'likes' are insignificant. Allowing social medias take control of your life and your self-esteem is plain stupid.
13) Have ambitions and be serious about your future.
14) Be grateful for everything. Thank every single person who has helped you out.
15) Spend quality time with your loved ones , not your phone. You won't know when will be the last time you see them.
16) Be positive. Having pessimistic thoughts will further make things don't go your way.
17) Do not ever conform. You're not the society's puppet. Disagree when you have to. Be yourself.
18) Accept your mistakes and learn. Do not live in the past - live in the moment instead. The reason why people keep making mistakes is because they think of mistakes as the past , and there'll be none in the present.
19) Always go out of the syllabus. Do not limit your learning process just because your teacher said that anything irrelevant to the syllabus is not coming out for exams.
20) Exams and grades are not everything. No one can judge your abilities based on a test paper.
21) It's not too late to try anything new .
22) Do not rush into a relationship. Good things take time.
23) Be forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes.
24) Do not jump to conclusions. There are three sides : Claims made by the involved, claims made by the witness, and the truth.
25) Anything is possible.
26) Do not always have unnecessary worries and stress. What you see as problems are not permanent.
27) Always question 'why?' .
28) Rational > emotional.
29) You're not always right. Seek for advice when in doubt.
30) Take some time to read, watch movies , shop , go to concerts, etc. No one's rushing you. You are putting yourself in the rush to complete anything you feel is more important, like revisions, exams , etc. Just stop. Relax.
31) Have respect for everyone.
32) Be a feminist , not a sexist.
33) Pay attention to politics and national affairs. Stop saying they don't matter because they do affect your life.
34) Be nice but not gullible.
35) Have one or two trusted friends to tell your dilemmas/problems to. Your 'closet' can't fit too many 'rags'.
36) Always be willing to help out others,unless you're really incapable of doing so.
37) Your weakness could be a strength.
38) Be considerate with words. You'll never know that harmless remarks could be daggers.
39) If others try to bring you down, prove them wrong .
40) Be open about criticisms.
Happy 2016 ! Let's leave the past and look forward into the future.
2) Everyone is unique. Underestimating others doesn't make you outstanding in any way.
3) Be a good listener and interrupt less. That's how you learn and think before accepting statements made by others.
4) Having self-confidence is very important.
5) Don't give a fuck about people's negative comments because they don't know what they're saying most of the time.
6) Be humble because there are many who know more than you do.
7) Talk to different people. Don't limit your social circle to only your childhood friends, classmates, etc. We learn through people and get to know more about what the society has in store for us.
8) Learn to have empathy for others. Be sincere and kind.
9) At the same time , keep some things to only yourself. Do not reveal every single personal detail of yours.
10) Do not change yourself just to impress others. Have principles you'll stick to.
11) Health is above anything else.
12) Instagram and Facebook 'likes' are insignificant. Allowing social medias take control of your life and your self-esteem is plain stupid.
13) Have ambitions and be serious about your future.
14) Be grateful for everything. Thank every single person who has helped you out.
15) Spend quality time with your loved ones , not your phone. You won't know when will be the last time you see them.
16) Be positive. Having pessimistic thoughts will further make things don't go your way.
17) Do not ever conform. You're not the society's puppet. Disagree when you have to. Be yourself.
18) Accept your mistakes and learn. Do not live in the past - live in the moment instead. The reason why people keep making mistakes is because they think of mistakes as the past , and there'll be none in the present.
19) Always go out of the syllabus. Do not limit your learning process just because your teacher said that anything irrelevant to the syllabus is not coming out for exams.
20) Exams and grades are not everything. No one can judge your abilities based on a test paper.
21) It's not too late to try anything new .
22) Do not rush into a relationship. Good things take time.
23) Be forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes.
24) Do not jump to conclusions. There are three sides : Claims made by the involved, claims made by the witness, and the truth.
25) Anything is possible.
26) Do not always have unnecessary worries and stress. What you see as problems are not permanent.
27) Always question 'why?' .
28) Rational > emotional.
29) You're not always right. Seek for advice when in doubt.
30) Take some time to read, watch movies , shop , go to concerts, etc. No one's rushing you. You are putting yourself in the rush to complete anything you feel is more important, like revisions, exams , etc. Just stop. Relax.
31) Have respect for everyone.
32) Be a feminist , not a sexist.
33) Pay attention to politics and national affairs. Stop saying they don't matter because they do affect your life.
34) Be nice but not gullible.
35) Have one or two trusted friends to tell your dilemmas/problems to. Your 'closet' can't fit too many 'rags'.
36) Always be willing to help out others,unless you're really incapable of doing so.
37) Your weakness could be a strength.
38) Be considerate with words. You'll never know that harmless remarks could be daggers.
39) If others try to bring you down, prove them wrong .
40) Be open about criticisms.
Happy 2016 ! Let's leave the past and look forward into the future.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
' I don't understand. '
I don't understand either. Why are you always condemning the way I handle my matters ? There is no right or wrong in here. I have no right to interrupt your way and therefore , you should do the same. I greatly dislike how you always assume that I allow myself to be defined by the society. Pardon me, who's defining who now ? You are. I know that you mean well for everything you've said but you can't expect me to be on the same page with you every single time. Why do you see that accepting my own flaws isn't good ? Well hello, I'm just being frank with myself . There's a gap between being hard on myself and being way too honest with myself. Perhaps you couldn't see that I am a perfectionist - I can't blame you for that. I hope , that one day , you would fit yourself in my shoes and realise that you're sometimes wrong about me. You , and everyone else , have more to learn about me. I do not opt to argue with you over facts as it's obvious that you know so much. I dare not say I'm better, since I'm only 19 and still immature, but I know what the reality holds for everyone. Different people have different opinions, and that's what makes everyone so unique in their own way. Humans struggle to make their way around the cruel world , and that's how they really learn , not through books but experience, which I believe is way more valuable. I am at fault too ,for composing this rather unnecessary post , but I felt the need to get something off my chest. I'm not angry , really. Perhaps I don't know you well enough too. Despite the disagreements, I enjoy talking and exchanging views with you. Continue bringing up topics I hate , because that's how I'm going to train my patience and ability to think more critically from different perspectives. Last but not least, I hope I'm not wrong about you. I wish you respect the views of others and be fascinated about the vast knowledge that could only be gained from the outside world when you're ready to step out of your room, homie. You're one of the very few people whom I can really interact with so thank you for approaching me first. If it wasn't for you , I would not have such an amazing friend. I've never tried to convince you on something, not because I'm not good at it - I just didn't feel like doing so. See? There's so much you don't know about me yet. I shall let you continue assuming that it was another person. No point explaining myself. Till then .
I don't understand either. Why are you always condemning the way I handle my matters ? There is no right or wrong in here. I have no right to interrupt your way and therefore , you should do the same. I greatly dislike how you always assume that I allow myself to be defined by the society. Pardon me, who's defining who now ? You are. I know that you mean well for everything you've said but you can't expect me to be on the same page with you every single time. Why do you see that accepting my own flaws isn't good ? Well hello, I'm just being frank with myself . There's a gap between being hard on myself and being way too honest with myself. Perhaps you couldn't see that I am a perfectionist - I can't blame you for that. I hope , that one day , you would fit yourself in my shoes and realise that you're sometimes wrong about me. You , and everyone else , have more to learn about me. I do not opt to argue with you over facts as it's obvious that you know so much. I dare not say I'm better, since I'm only 19 and still immature, but I know what the reality holds for everyone. Different people have different opinions, and that's what makes everyone so unique in their own way. Humans struggle to make their way around the cruel world , and that's how they really learn , not through books but experience, which I believe is way more valuable. I am at fault too ,for composing this rather unnecessary post , but I felt the need to get something off my chest. I'm not angry , really. Perhaps I don't know you well enough too. Despite the disagreements, I enjoy talking and exchanging views with you. Continue bringing up topics I hate , because that's how I'm going to train my patience and ability to think more critically from different perspectives. Last but not least, I hope I'm not wrong about you. I wish you respect the views of others and be fascinated about the vast knowledge that could only be gained from the outside world when you're ready to step out of your room, homie. You're one of the very few people whom I can really interact with so thank you for approaching me first. If it wasn't for you , I would not have such an amazing friend. I've never tried to convince you on something, not because I'm not good at it - I just didn't feel like doing so. See? There's so much you don't know about me yet. I shall let you continue assuming that it was another person. No point explaining myself. Till then .
Sunday, November 15, 2015
College - The Finale
It felt like yesterday. One and a half years just passed in a blink of an eye. The roller coaster ride of A-Levels has finally come to an end.
I'm not being sentimental here. I have unexplainable mixed feelings, a majority of which is happiness, followed by a heavy heart. I don't give a damm about leaving Sunway, but having to part ways with the people who were on the same ride with me in college, well it meant something.
There's a significant difference between high school and college. You're only able to meet your friends in school yet you assume you know them well, without realising that they own habits at home that you hate to the core. You only need to adapt to the personality they wear at school, and everything which took place in school is what still connects you and your friends. In college, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I need to adapt to new people and environment on my own, away from home. It was a tough challenge, given that I took almost two years to know my current group of friends in high school. 1.5 years seemed insufficient for an awkward panda like me. I've been living with my family since birth and I found it a little difficult to process the thought of living temporarily under the same roof with six strangers. ( One of them is my long-time friend lol )
I was literally on my own , without my mother's comforting food and my father's jokes. Studying was once a slow, relaxing process back in my high school days, but not in college. Since I was a bursary student, I was exposed to other bursary holders who were always in the rat race. I feared them. I wasn't worried about not catching up with the others and it wasn't my slightest concern that I'm not a top student among them. The pressure cooked up around me and I felt like escaping the place every second. Neither do I want to conform nor do I want to know anyone. I was also worried about interacting with people. What if I offend them by saying something inappropriate unconsciously? I don't know these people , and I definitely wouldn't want to get into trouble. Therefore , I resorted to being quiet and cautious. I even decided not to make eye contact and befriend anyone in class. Having only housemates as my allies seemed to be okay to me because all I wished was for this course to end quickly.
Fearing that everyone has ulterior motives, I avoided the need to share my thoughts and forced myself to put on fake smiles and have overly friendly personality. Dragging myself through the course was like the only aim I had initially. I was more discouraged when I saw my classmates on the first day of class. They had solemn, arrogant faces and the only impression I had on them was 'Nerds' . They didn't seem appealing to me , so I had no reason to approach them. Fortunately, I had my housemate with me and that's what kept me going in the dreadful classes...
Days went by and I thought to myself, ' This isn't that bad at all. ' What I disliked were class tests and examinations. It made me question myself everyday if I made the right choice for doing A-Levels. I did not have much time for myself as I was always staying up late , completing assignments and revising for upcoming class tests. The lecturers were always emphasising on A*s , importance of forecast results and Top In The World Awards , which made I feel like I was living in a fast forwarded universe. Everything was in a rush that decisions had to be made promptly and rationality was somehow neglected. It was crazy. We were not allowed to go beyond what's in the syllabus so tell me , how is this learning? Apparently, spamming past year papers was the solution to obtaining straight A*. Study only for exams. I felt stupid for having myself fall into this trap of fallacy and if I were to choose again, A-Levels is off the list. It literally made my life hectic and miserable for nothing, not to mention that my acne problem was invited back.
Despite the overwhelming negativity in the above paragraphs, there were moments which I truly enjoyed in college. My classmates proved to me that I was just being judgmental. I started befriending them , especially the group of guys in the second semester after my student council term ended. They share their vast knowledge which is an eye-opener to me and the topics of discussions we had during our lunch and sometimes midnight sessions vary from A to Z. Debunk the boring thoughts of them because they aren't at all. For once in my life, I felt like I belong. I was able to open up and talk about my topics of interests together with them , without the fear that I might be ostracised if they find me uninteresting. I had the opportunity of listening to stories of people from different walks of life and share my experiences ( although I prefer not to most of the time ). It's rare for someone to find a group of people who share the same 'frequency' and openly debate on matters rationally and professionally without unnecessary dramas and grudges.
Being in college has proven to me that every single human being is unique. I was exposed to people whom I've never met in my small hometown and learned how to deal with them. Life is full of surprises and so are they. 1.5 years seemed like 10 years and it just ended like that, although I've just gotten to know my friends better. We've been through many spontaneous adventures and unexpected journeys in less than the period of time I used to take to befriend people in high school. Undeniably, I've grown up although I still have a lot to learn. Initially, I planned to write messages to all of friends but couldn't make it due to time constraints. Time just had to tear us apart before I could even know them more personally. If any of you happen to stumble on this post, read it 'cos it's dedicated to you.
Thank you for playing a part in my life. I swear we'll meet again , since our paths have already intertwined and I'm dying to know your remaining stories. All of you know who you are. As for my housemates, I have an extra message for you girls. Thank you for being my temporary family members. How can I forget the times we had together when it's deeply etched in my heart? I can't help but feel touched when all of you took care of me when I was ill. The ups and downs, deep o' clock sessions and girls' talks we had together are worth a million. We supported one another whenever one of us was stressed and look at how far we've come. Perseverance and unity kept us moving forward , shaping us into stronger and bolder individuals.
I don't hate goodbyes, I don't like them either. Sorry that I don't bid adieu properly. I'd rather have the thought of having my college friends as a part of my life than to think that we might not meet again. Therefore , no goodbyes from me. See you later? ;)
The people and the memories are the only things worth remembering from college. May we all fulfil the dreams we have as naive ambitious youths.
I'm not being sentimental here. I have unexplainable mixed feelings, a majority of which is happiness, followed by a heavy heart. I don't give a damm about leaving Sunway, but having to part ways with the people who were on the same ride with me in college, well it meant something.
There's a significant difference between high school and college. You're only able to meet your friends in school yet you assume you know them well, without realising that they own habits at home that you hate to the core. You only need to adapt to the personality they wear at school, and everything which took place in school is what still connects you and your friends. In college, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I need to adapt to new people and environment on my own, away from home. It was a tough challenge, given that I took almost two years to know my current group of friends in high school. 1.5 years seemed insufficient for an awkward panda like me. I've been living with my family since birth and I found it a little difficult to process the thought of living temporarily under the same roof with six strangers. ( One of them is my long-time friend lol )
I was literally on my own , without my mother's comforting food and my father's jokes. Studying was once a slow, relaxing process back in my high school days, but not in college. Since I was a bursary student, I was exposed to other bursary holders who were always in the rat race. I feared them. I wasn't worried about not catching up with the others and it wasn't my slightest concern that I'm not a top student among them. The pressure cooked up around me and I felt like escaping the place every second. Neither do I want to conform nor do I want to know anyone. I was also worried about interacting with people. What if I offend them by saying something inappropriate unconsciously? I don't know these people , and I definitely wouldn't want to get into trouble. Therefore , I resorted to being quiet and cautious. I even decided not to make eye contact and befriend anyone in class. Having only housemates as my allies seemed to be okay to me because all I wished was for this course to end quickly.
Fearing that everyone has ulterior motives, I avoided the need to share my thoughts and forced myself to put on fake smiles and have overly friendly personality. Dragging myself through the course was like the only aim I had initially. I was more discouraged when I saw my classmates on the first day of class. They had solemn, arrogant faces and the only impression I had on them was 'Nerds' . They didn't seem appealing to me , so I had no reason to approach them. Fortunately, I had my housemate with me and that's what kept me going in the dreadful classes...
Days went by and I thought to myself, ' This isn't that bad at all. ' What I disliked were class tests and examinations. It made me question myself everyday if I made the right choice for doing A-Levels. I did not have much time for myself as I was always staying up late , completing assignments and revising for upcoming class tests. The lecturers were always emphasising on A*s , importance of forecast results and Top In The World Awards , which made I feel like I was living in a fast forwarded universe. Everything was in a rush that decisions had to be made promptly and rationality was somehow neglected. It was crazy. We were not allowed to go beyond what's in the syllabus so tell me , how is this learning? Apparently, spamming past year papers was the solution to obtaining straight A*. Study only for exams. I felt stupid for having myself fall into this trap of fallacy and if I were to choose again, A-Levels is off the list. It literally made my life hectic and miserable for nothing, not to mention that my acne problem was invited back.
Despite the overwhelming negativity in the above paragraphs, there were moments which I truly enjoyed in college. My classmates proved to me that I was just being judgmental. I started befriending them , especially the group of guys in the second semester after my student council term ended. They share their vast knowledge which is an eye-opener to me and the topics of discussions we had during our lunch and sometimes midnight sessions vary from A to Z. Debunk the boring thoughts of them because they aren't at all. For once in my life, I felt like I belong. I was able to open up and talk about my topics of interests together with them , without the fear that I might be ostracised if they find me uninteresting. I had the opportunity of listening to stories of people from different walks of life and share my experiences ( although I prefer not to most of the time ). It's rare for someone to find a group of people who share the same 'frequency' and openly debate on matters rationally and professionally without unnecessary dramas and grudges.
Being in college has proven to me that every single human being is unique. I was exposed to people whom I've never met in my small hometown and learned how to deal with them. Life is full of surprises and so are they. 1.5 years seemed like 10 years and it just ended like that, although I've just gotten to know my friends better. We've been through many spontaneous adventures and unexpected journeys in less than the period of time I used to take to befriend people in high school. Undeniably, I've grown up although I still have a lot to learn. Initially, I planned to write messages to all of friends but couldn't make it due to time constraints. Time just had to tear us apart before I could even know them more personally. If any of you happen to stumble on this post, read it 'cos it's dedicated to you.
Thank you for playing a part in my life. I swear we'll meet again , since our paths have already intertwined and I'm dying to know your remaining stories. All of you know who you are. As for my housemates, I have an extra message for you girls. Thank you for being my temporary family members. How can I forget the times we had together when it's deeply etched in my heart? I can't help but feel touched when all of you took care of me when I was ill. The ups and downs, deep o' clock sessions and girls' talks we had together are worth a million. We supported one another whenever one of us was stressed and look at how far we've come. Perseverance and unity kept us moving forward , shaping us into stronger and bolder individuals.
I don't hate goodbyes, I don't like them either. Sorry that I don't bid adieu properly. I'd rather have the thought of having my college friends as a part of my life than to think that we might not meet again. Therefore , no goodbyes from me. See you later? ;)
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| Nigga's bday |
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| Out of Vogue |
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| McD mou? |
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| First semester |
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| ALSCO @ AAD |
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| Mah homies |
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| During the main dog's birthday |
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| Housemates |
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| Classmates |
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| Housemates II |
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| Midnight birthday celebrations are mandatory |
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| Hi-tea with Novel and MY |
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| Less than 3 |
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| Fish ball Rachel HAHAHA |
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| My cutie pies , Meen and MY |
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| Meet Uncle Maxis |
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| Koala Pei Qi LOL |
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| Classmates II |
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| Housemates III |
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| Confidant and best bud , Tan MY |
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| Classmates III |
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| Meen's missing |
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| Spontaneous midnight karaoke session with the nigga and MY |
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| ... |
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| Teng teng teng teng... |
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| KV and I . Fish ball nigga just had to photobomb. |
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| ALSCO |
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| Grad night with da gurls |
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| KL , Meen and I |
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| Ms Amy, the girls and the dogs. |
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| Last day of AS |
Saturday, August 15, 2015
15/8/2015
I've been thinking a lot these days, in the midst of the very last hectic, torturous phase of A-Level. Random thoughts about political issues, depreciating currency, opinions of others on certain subjects , and even food get me so indulged that I sometimes fail to take notice of what's going on around. I'm definitely not maximising my brain capacity , but I seem to enjoy thinking. Who says that overthinking kills happiness? Specifically, unnecessary pessimistic overthinking does. My thinking is more towards figuring out stuffs and asking myself questions I never thought of.
Undeniably, I've been quiet nowadays. Not to say I was talkative, but I speak lesser now. I'm not having those hermit , 'emo' moments when one isolates him/herself from people. I tend to devote more time for myself , for my development in thinking. Put academics aside, I have to deal with troublesome university applications, in which a really convincing personal statement and good forecast results are required. It occurred to me that I'm not the only person fighting for a place in university. There are many capable applicants who have better qualifications than me out there, and whom universities highly prefer. Well, does that mean I have to stop trying? Nope. Some may argue, why personal statement when the university can assess us based on our results? Contrary to popular belief, a string of A's may not guarantee you a place in your dream institution. Universities need to see another side of you , your passion for the degree of choice and the firm reasons why you are worth their time. It's literally marketing , via an essay. Nonetheless, I do wonder if a personal statement is 100% honest. How would universities know if the 'passion' delivered through words written in a piece of paper genuine ? The emotions and enthusiasm in the essay can be faked out, just like how a Hollywood actress cry within seconds as if her boob surgery failed. This got me wondering. You can pretend to be very interested, and the university of your choice will be very much convinced. Once, my lecturer mentioned to me about how a student's effort can be judged from the test paper. This got me thinking again. What if that particular student actually worked hard for the subject , yet did not manage to answer the questions? The student cannot be seen trying as the answer space is left blank. Hence, he/she could be labelled as not making effort, not working hard. Is this even fair? I can't say much , but I do find this ridiculous.
It is indeed tough to assess a person. They say evidence is needed- what type? " Do not expect the fish to climb the tree, because it definitely can't. "
" Thinking is better than having empty talks "
Undeniably, I've been quiet nowadays. Not to say I was talkative, but I speak lesser now. I'm not having those hermit , 'emo' moments when one isolates him/herself from people. I tend to devote more time for myself , for my development in thinking. Put academics aside, I have to deal with troublesome university applications, in which a really convincing personal statement and good forecast results are required. It occurred to me that I'm not the only person fighting for a place in university. There are many capable applicants who have better qualifications than me out there, and whom universities highly prefer. Well, does that mean I have to stop trying? Nope. Some may argue, why personal statement when the university can assess us based on our results? Contrary to popular belief, a string of A's may not guarantee you a place in your dream institution. Universities need to see another side of you , your passion for the degree of choice and the firm reasons why you are worth their time. It's literally marketing , via an essay. Nonetheless, I do wonder if a personal statement is 100% honest. How would universities know if the 'passion' delivered through words written in a piece of paper genuine ? The emotions and enthusiasm in the essay can be faked out, just like how a Hollywood actress cry within seconds as if her boob surgery failed. This got me wondering. You can pretend to be very interested, and the university of your choice will be very much convinced. Once, my lecturer mentioned to me about how a student's effort can be judged from the test paper. This got me thinking again. What if that particular student actually worked hard for the subject , yet did not manage to answer the questions? The student cannot be seen trying as the answer space is left blank. Hence, he/she could be labelled as not making effort, not working hard. Is this even fair? I can't say much , but I do find this ridiculous.
It is indeed tough to assess a person. They say evidence is needed- what type? " Do not expect the fish to climb the tree, because it definitely can't. "
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Fed Up
I'm fed up with college.
Fed up with examinations.
Fed up with classes.
Fed up with the tight schedule.
Fed up with the possibility that I might not be able to achieve my goals.
Fed up with people who dragged me into unnecessary dramas.
Fed up with people who think they know me well.
Fed up with people who talk shit to me when all I want is to have a deep conversation.
Fed up with the rat race that I'm made to participate.
Fed up with the fact that sometimes ends just don't meet.
Fed up with myself for wanting to give up on my ambition at times.
Fed up with myself for persevering when all I want is a break.
Fed up with the person who takes me as invisible and constantly blocks my path.
Fed up with the high requirements set by the universities I'm applying to.
Fed up with the worries I sometimes carry with me.
Fed up with the shackled mindsets people are having.
Fed up with the acnes growing on my face like mushrooms after rain.
Fed up with myself for only knowing how to complain.
Yet I'm still not fed up with life.
Fed up with examinations.
Fed up with classes.
Fed up with the tight schedule.
Fed up with the possibility that I might not be able to achieve my goals.
Fed up with people who dragged me into unnecessary dramas.
Fed up with people who think they know me well.
Fed up with people who talk shit to me when all I want is to have a deep conversation.
Fed up with the rat race that I'm made to participate.
Fed up with the fact that sometimes ends just don't meet.
Fed up with myself for wanting to give up on my ambition at times.
Fed up with myself for persevering when all I want is a break.
Fed up with the person who takes me as invisible and constantly blocks my path.
Fed up with the high requirements set by the universities I'm applying to.
Fed up with the worries I sometimes carry with me.
Fed up with the shackled mindsets people are having.
Fed up with the acnes growing on my face like mushrooms after rain.
Fed up with myself for only knowing how to complain.
Yet I'm still not fed up with life.
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