Sudden Realisation

I'm finally back to the place where I belong , my one and only crib. This marks the start of my very first semester break (:

It's such a relief to learn that there are actually breaks in the hectic, suffocating , nerve-wrecking A-Level programme. Just imagine that it's the otherwise , I wouldn't be alive by the end of the course. I'm barely alive now, even if it's just the first semester. In less than six months , I'm already drained, mentally and physically.

And for semester exam , nah. I wouldn't wanna comment much about it but I'm glad I made through it.

Unexpectedly , I am not going to type out a long essay about how happy or sad I am in college , how my level of maturity increased, how college changed my life , etc. Cut out the long , sappy dramas. I don't do sentiments.

In my previous post, I did mention something about being lost in the middle of nowhere. That was something about me losing myself in college. Just to clarify, no I didn't lose my virginity or anything, I just lost my usual self, my true identity. How lost was I? I did not know what I was doing everyday. Did I enjoy what I was doing? I don't know. There's just one thing I know, I wasn't Jean. I did not have split personality but this is somehow related to inner dilemmas . Me vs me. Nuff said.

I kinda spent too much time in ALSCO and kinda neglected the semester exam ,which everyone labelled as the nightmare of your life because it's 10 times more difficult than the actual CIE exams. Oh , the exaggeration. Due to time constraints, I started to panic and my worst enemy crept up my back.

Stress. Fucking stress. Define stress.

If I happened to tell anyone that I did not pressurise myself during the exam period, no , I did not lie. That was after I had this tiny , little self-realisation . Hang on I'm reaching there soon.

With the days counting down and the stressful environment the people around me created, I joined in the 'fun'. I studied the chapters that I missed and revised like a donkey. I did what I could and what my worst enemy encouraged me to do. I was deprived of sleep and did not eat according to meals. I ate 'cat food' and 'dog food'. I locked myself in my room for days and only came out to bathe. I seldom talked to the people around me , not even my housemates. I became a hermit, thanks to sem exam.

I was so stressed out and at some point, I actually broke down. I couldn't hold the burden inside of me anymore. As much as I wanna put the blame on others for this mess , I just couldn't do so. I'm the one who created the chaos I'm in. On the other hand, I was terribly homesick. I kept reminding myself that I could go home soon and I should keep holding on. It's futile. I was actually deceiving myself.

I ended up calling mom for advice. She told me to say my prayers and breathe. One simple advice, yet I could feel some of the burden lifted off me. I paused what I was doing and did what she told me. At that moment, I realised something.

The reason why I felt 'lost' was because I did not lead myself back to where I was supposed to be. This sentence sounds darn 'deep' LOL. I left myself in the midst of nowhere and forgot about myself.
I spent most of my time on other things but I did not make time for myself. I literally neglected myself. I need to learn how to love myself.

It all changed. Three quarters of the burden I had was immediately lifted off. I started to think in a different perspective , the one that I used to have and will always have. I gained back my confidence and started to smile.

I realised that I will not do well when I'm under pressure . Perhaps others can convert the stress they're experiencing into motivation that can make them go further , but it doesn't work for me. Stress needs to be out of my way. Besides, I'm the type of person who prefers learning, rather than studying for exams or for the sake to pass. Knowledge is vast and no one can actually quench the thirst for knowledge. I don't see any harm in gaining extra knowledge even though it's not in the syllabus. It gets on my nerve that some people actually thinks that yearning for extra knowledge is a waste of time just because it's not coming out for exams. Look , I don't see the point of how memorising facts can help one to ace his/her exams. What if there's a twist to a certain question and you don't know how to apply your facts ? Bummer.

Anyway, I tried my best and did what I could for the sem exam. The results aren't my main concern and I've got nothing left to lose. It's just sem exam - there's always room for improvement if I did badly. I'm not gonna 'abuse' myself for it. Health will always be my priority (: I did not manage to complete my Econs paper , lost 6 marks (excluding the possible marks I might have lost) and yet I did not give a shit about it. Yes, there's a possibility that my lecturers might be disappointed with me , but I just don't care anymore. I've done my best. And I'll keep trying without giving up. 

Everyday's a second chance

I just wanna be happy (:

Lately, my life is in a huge mess.

Lost in the Midst of No Where

See? Time passes by so fast , so fast that you can't even catch up with it. You tend to miss the good moments , the little things containing happiness and issues that might change your life if you had a chance to encounter them.

I missed them. And it's October already.

Every day , I tell myself , hang on , everything's gonna be fine. I'm going to be happy and care-free. I'm not going to care about anything. I'm undergoing a peaceful life.

I actually deceived myself with these monologues. Even if I know I am , I still do the same. Drown myself in a stream of illusions. Illusions that seem possible if I continue to lie to myself.

Yet , they're still impossible.

I don't really like my college life now. Yes , I get to meet new people, have new experiences , blablabla..... It's all bullshit. No , I don't really require these. I just want to be happy. But I can't.

I just can't.

I'll never be depressed , but I can't smile naturally like I used to . It sucks having a fake smile on your face like almost everyday ,you know?

I lost myself in college. Drowned somewhere out there. Help ? Only I can rescue myself. Currently , I don't know how to pull myself out of the pool of misery. I don't want this to go on until college ends.

Who am I to complain so much ? *laughs bitterly*

To be honest , I could feel that my academics performance is slowly going downhill. It's not like I did not revise or do my homework , I just feel unstable. I couldn't get myself to relax. I'm being hectic with myself , actually.

And for ALSCO , it is really tiring. Yes , I've learnt a lot as a member of the student council , but does that mean I'm happy?

That's it. When Jean is unhappy , everything goes wrong.

I wasn't like that before this. No.

Can I like just quit ALSCO and focus on my studies instead? I don't know.

I just wanna escape from my thoughts , from every single thing.

Dear usual Jean , please return as fast as possible. I miss you dearly.

I really need you.

September.

Here I am , up at wee hours to blog. Shouldn't I be sleeping?

I've been in college for 2 months now , and I learn that insufficient sleep is definitely normal. I'm literally used to going to bed late now , although it's kinda unhealthy and my pimples threaten to pop out. If I'm not used to it , I would be asleep right now instead of blogging lol.

I can't blame myself or anyone or anything for the sleep crisis. It just comes naturally , like that. I half-expected it before I entered college , and in the end it turns out to be far worse than I expected. There was once when I had to stay up till 3 am just to complete my maths homework.

Life of a maths student....

The reason why I can't put the blame on any party or anything is because I'm a further maths kid , or in general , a maths student. I have to complete the whole maths syllabus in the first semester before proceeding with further maths , which is labelled as a killer subject , the next semester.

And why am I complaining here ? I shouldn't be complaining , I - 

Allow me to rant for once. I have no other choice but to bear with it.

1.5 years. Fck. 

Let's put academics aside.

Frankly speaking , the bond among my fellow classmates isn't as strong as other classes. Oh how I envy them. Two months have passed and my classmates are like strangers to me o.o I did mix around with the girls but the guys are like self-absorbed ? They're not anti-social nor they're hard to get along with but they just prefer to like , y'know , hang out with their own friends - people of the same gender.

Are they -- never mind.

I wonder if my class is going to be in this state till A levels is over. Maybe there'll be a change. Maybe.

I've been having mood swings lately and I seriously don't know how to overcome them. I get pissed off easily and sometimes I would be on the verge of pissing people off. Gosh I'm such a dangerous person. Well I can't say that there's no reason to my sudden change of mood - I do have one...

Clashes of ideas ? Yeah , something like that. It sucks when you have no choice but to disagree with someone else's opinions because you find them terrible. Horrible. Insensible. However , you can't just scream at the person as you barely know the person and you have to cooperate with the person for quite a long time. Well , shit. You want to argue with the person so badly that you end up having a volcano ready to explode any time in yourself instead of reasoning with the person and telling him/her in the face that his/her argument is fcking invalid. So fcking invalid that Mother Earth loses gravity. That's what I'm experiencing right now. It's not that I'm being cowardly to voice out my inner thoughts but I seriously don't wanna hurt anyone before becoming close to them. I can be very mean and my words can be sharp :/

However , the person I'm not satisfied with is definitely not an ordinary person. He has shown the traits of a male chauvinist. And I personally hate this type of guys. Uh-oh.

As to fulfil my promise to my friend, I'm now trying my very best not to get pissed with people so easily. So Mr Alpha , I shall cancel my initial plan to have a one-to-one battle with you. Fingers crossed that you don't mess with me again , or else I'll declare war and put the world in chaos.

Kthnxbai.

Cheers to a great September ! (: 

.

You know it's just another obstacle you have to face when someone tries to bring you down.

Need not worry , I will still survive regardless of how 'stupid' I am.

Go on , spit your venom at me. Try poisoning me with those words. I'll be okay . However , please don't do this in front of my family.

I have a fucking dignity.

Oh god just let me cry a river before I could say that I'm strong here.

Done producing tears. I feel much better now :')

Yes bro , I'm fucking strong. I don't need you to fucking remind me of my stupidity and low IQ .

Sometimes stupid people are special in their own way.

Urggh I hate it that your words could actually penetrate my veil. Can you hear that ? My walls are crumbling

Nothing is crumbling. 

Let's see who will crumble first next time. 

Sometimes even strong people have their weakest moment. 

Do not misuse my kindness. I get fragile very easily. 

Perhaps I should train myself to be invulnerable to bullshit.

Next Chapter : College

I finally moved into college after six months of holiday. This marks the start of the next stage in my life.

I had mixed feelings : excited , nervous , worried , homesick, etc. I asked myself questions : Who'll be my housemates ? Will I sleep peacefully ? Can I get out of my comfort zone and make friends ?

Doubts. LOL. 

I met my housemates on the check-in day. They're fun , noisy and awesome , which I'm kinda relieved that I didn't get typical introvert nerds as housemates. Just imagine living with super quiet people who only lock themselves in their rooms and indulge themselves in their books or whatever nerdy stuffs. I don't think I can survive , like seriously o.o 

Anyway , I'm very satisfied with my room. You get to choose your rooms by picking out numbers in ballot box. I got room 3 that has the window facing outside , which kinda explains why I think I'm lucky. LOL . Kai Ling got room 8 which has no good view because her window is facing the balcony. Dark , creepy balcony. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. 

Ta-da ! My rooooommm

The first week of college always starts with orientation. I expected the orientation to be fun and interesting , but damm , it was boring as hell -.- As a KPM bursary holder , I had a day of orientation earlier than the other students. Talking about bursary holders , sorry no offence , but most of them are nerds. They look like they've dedicated their soul and body to studies , without the word ' fun ' in their dictionaries. Not judging , but they gave me nerdy impression. Hotties ? Well , I can say some of them look okay but the rest of those nerdy guys got my jaw dropping. Once again , no offence intended LOL. As for the girls , there're quite many lengluis lah . Beauties with brains , nothing can affect the way they look. And of course , nerdy girls are also available.

I think I'm quite lenglui. * giggles * 

I should stop being vain. * self-slaps * 

Coincidently , my birthday was on the orientation day for KPM scholars . Nothing much on that day , I just hung out with my housemates in Sunway Pyramid. The main reason was because of Wi-Fi . There's no Wi-Fi in Monash Residence ! The freaking expensive residence has no freaking Wi-Fi ! Fuck this shit . There's free Wi-Fi at Starbucks but since it's under renovation , there'll be no air-cond and we'll have to deal with sweat. -.- 

Anyhow, let me imply this once more , my housemates are truly cool and amazing people. They knew it's my birthday because each of us talked about our birthdays during our first late night chats. (We have late night chats almost every day! ) However , there was something that they knew which I didn't know. 

We had our dinner at Shilin's as a mini birthday celebration for me . I was eating my noodles , when all of the sudden , Jasmine and See Teng appeared with a tiny little cake . 

I was stunned. Surprised. Confused. How come I didn't see that coming ?

THEY THREW ME A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. 

It was unexpected. I didn't cry because I'm not an emotional person , but I was touched. I felt blessed. 

Thank you :')  

Wheeeeee :)

The next day , Kai Ling and I ditched our housemates to meet up with Rachel in the shopping mall. Dinner was fun as usual with the jokes that we cracked HAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA , and Rachel bought me lovely cupcakes . Thank you muack muack I love you <3 Just like the old times :')

onomnomnom :9

I guess the first week of college wasn't that boring. I was very joyful these few days , jumping around here and there :D 

Now that I'm finally home <3 

Kthnxbai.

Adventure Time !

No , I'm not talking about the cartoon series haha.

Hey there ! I've been away for quite some time from my blog since I was dying in boredom and I'd got nothing much to write about.

But I have something to write now !

I just got back from a trip last night at around 10 pm. I swear it was exhausting. I could feel my bones cracking and my muscles tearing apart. No kidding , no exaggeration. Back to the topic. I went for a 3 day 2 night trip in Pahang with my family and other families. It could be my last vacation before college starts . *gasps*

On the first day , we pretty much did nothing since we arrived at Kuantan around 12 pm. We sorta visited a batik factory , a turtle sanctuary museum , watched an ape pluck coconuts and went to the Teluk Cempedak beach at night. As for the ape , I called it an ape because I'm unsure if it's a monkey or a baboon. Species confusion. I first expected Teluk Cempedak on the second day but we eventually went there earlier to avoid unnecessary sunburn the next day. No beach photography for me :( Anyway, I find Teluk Cempedak cool even at night because it was surrounded by fast food restaurants , cafes , bubble tea shops and food stalls. If I live in Kuantan , I would go there every night X)

Batik-making step 1 

Batik-making step 2

Batik-making step 3

Batik-making step 4 

Ta-da !

Monkey/Baboon in action

Day two. We checked out from the hotel and headed to our next destination , a Chinese temple. Pretty much nothing there , to be honest. The second destination was Gua Charas. In order to arrive at the cave , I had to climb up the stairs which consists of small steps. Cautiously, I went step by step to reach the top since I'm a clumsy person who trips easily. The base of each step is covered by steel nets so I could basically see what's down there. I was like so high up from the ground that I could fall down anytime if I trip. I'm not afraid of heights but it's better to take extra caution. Panting , I finally reached the opening of the cave . There is a temple with enormous Buddha statues inside the cave. The floor of the cave was slippery as water was dripping everywhere. And yes , I tripped , thanks to my slippers -.-

Next , we headed to Tai Pei Tong , a mining site at Sungai Lembing. We entered the mining site by auto mining carts . It was hot outside, but the moment we entered the tunnel , I could feel the drop in the surrounding temperature. It was chilly in there. We got down from the cart and walked into the underground mining site. It was obvious that the mining site which operated two centuries ago was renovated to make sure that it's safe for visitors. And I actually doubted if the air-conds were turned on to make the surrounding cool. LOL. 

Wheee :)

In the end of the day , we arrived at Lembing Town. We lodged in a home stay for a night . Lembing is a very small and quiet town which consists of two rows of shops and facilities for tourists from far. There are a few old trees located in the middle of the town , the oldest one planted in 1775. It is so peaceful and friendly that I felt like staying there for a longer time.

The oldest tree in Lembing

Sungai Lembing Homestay

The next morning , everyone woke up at 5 am as we had to leave early to see the rainbow waterfall. I felt a little lethargic because I had a sleepless night due to the abundant dust particles in the room , which caused my nose to be blocked -.- Anyway , we rode on the back of a four-wheel-drive at around 6.30 am , thus embarking on an adventure. The 4WD journey took around one and a half hour to reach the forest. It was freaking bumpy and thrilling along the way. I could be flung out of the vehicle if I didn't hold on tight, but it was worthwhile that I could feel the morning breeze and took breathtaking pictures of thick morning mist hovering the hills. Crazier than a roller coaster ride. 

Morning mist

Foggy scenery 

A shot from the 4WD ride 

Another shot

When the 4WD arrived at the entrance of the forest , it was already crowded with tourists. We had to cross a tiny river to get to the forest. Guess what I had for my footwear? Slippers. Freaking slippers. I took extra caution while crossing because the rocks in the riverbed were slippery and sharp. I held on the rope provided as I went , when someone tugged the rope horizontally , causing me to fall into the river -.- stupid lady . My phone and power bank were wet , and yes they had gone wrong thanks to that person . Cursing under my breath , I just continued to hike up to the waterfall , with only slippers...

The hike across the rough terrain wasn't easy. It took me approx 40 minutes to reach the waterfall area. I kept playing New Kids On The Block's 'Step by Step' in my head to keep myself going. After that , I had to conquer the slippery and muddy rocks in order to reach the rainbow waterfall. It was pretty hazardous . One wrong step and I could fall to my death. And yes , it was very exhausting. I did hit my toes against the rocks and now I could see cuts all over my feet. Hello , I was wearing slippers X)

Badass rocks 

Nevertheless, I managed to bring my tripod along and got some shots of running waters. It was around 9.30 am when I was so close to the rainbow waterfall. It was super crowded with people and it was more dangerous to hike up with the crowd of almost 600 people. I finished my HotCup Maggi as fast as possible and planned to hike up to the waterfall. However , there were people coming down. The situation was dangerous and I thought that it would be worthless risking my life for the rainbow. At least I saw the tall waterfall...

Tall waterfall. The rainbow was at the bottom.

ISO 200 , 1.6 s @ f/20

I personally like this shot

In the end , I didn't make it to the rainbow waterfall , but Dad did since he's used to hiking. He took a picture of it :) The rainbow was at the bottom of the waterfall , no wonder i couldn't see it... At 11.30 am , my family and I started to go downhill. The time taken was shorter than when we hiked up , but the trail became more slippery than it was in the morning so double caution was taken. I felt super thirsty by the time I reached the entrance of the forest . The scorching heat was unbearable but sadly , I finished my water during the hike. At around 12 pm , we rode on the 4WD again and returned to the town an hour later.

Rainbow at the waterfall

What can I say ? This trip was like a crazy adventure , so far the craziest one I'd been on. I got to be close to nature and Mum's right. The natural sceneries in Malaysia are just as beautiful as those in other countries . It's like saying the moon in Malaysia is as bright as the one out there. No difference. Get it ? Maybe it's a little difficult to convey what I'm trying to say ._. I just think that we shouldn't have the idea that spending your holiday in the overseas is better than in your own country. Mother nature is the same everywhere. Unless you're talking about the four seasons and the landmarks then that would be a different case X)

Oh yeah , my phone and power bank turned out to be fine in the end. Thank goodness ! In this trip , I actually fulfilled two of my wish lists .

Go on an outdoor adventure with inappropriate footwear ? Check. 

Take my first ever blur water motion shot ? Check. 

Take a bumpy ride on a 4WD ? Check.

I think heels are more inappropriate than slippers. LOL. I must be crazy.

I even brought along my tripod during the hike. That explains why some people gave me the ' Are you nuts ?! ' look.

Anyway , thanks Dad for lending me a hand by carrying the tripod for me after I fell into the river....

My holiday is ending soon and I shall enter college with no regrets. So far the best expedition in my life !  (:

3 weeks till college starts. 

Kthnxbai.

I don't feel pleasant nowadays...

It was only just a dream

When I was younger (literally a younger teen cz I had no idea what is an ambition when I was a child) , I had dreams of becoming a forensic scientist or maybe a forensic pathologist.  It's pretty obvious that I was influenced by CSI nyahahaha. As I grow older , I realized that these two ambitions could not happen because I don't like Biology , and dealing with dead people is kinda creepy. Back then , I thought dealing with corpses was cool.

What's with the sudden change actually?  I don't know, I thought I was kinda childish last time . Now I have a feeling that I could think in a more matured way , considering all the factors and priorities when I make a decision. 

Thus , my past ambitions can be considered a dream. A dream that could never be compatible with reality.

Puberty? Nahh. It's just that im starting to take my life seriously. Who doesn't want a bright future ?

To be honest , I am still kinda lost with what I wanna be in the long run. Many are fast in deciding,  yet im still in doubt. Time doesn't wait for me , I need to pace up . Its kinda sad that I still couldn't figure out who I really am in the inside. Pretty confusing.

I know that I couldn't wait for long. This is a challenge and I decided to muster up my courage to overcome it. Just do it like what Nike said. Dash forward .

No , no more regrets. I have chosen this path , and I will go with it till the end .

Be brave.

No, it's not.

Sometimes things don't look as simple as they seem,

Even if they assure you that everything's gonna be fine.

How are things going to be alright ,

If they turn out to be unexpected ?

Prior to trouble , there's hope ,

When there's hope , nothing is to be worried anymore.

Are you sure ?

When you reach that depth ,

You will start to feel like you're being sucked into a vortex of darkness,

Filled with doubts and dilemmas.

No matter how much you struggle,

No , you're not going back to stage 1.

You're stuck.

It seemed easy at first ,

But not when you reached the peak.

You either choose to fall backwards or go downhill ,

And it's not even a choice , you'll die in both ways.

No , it's not simple at all.

It's complex. 

How I wish I could.

SPM 2013 Results

I just-

I just can't-

I didn't -

....

.....

disappoint myself  (:

Okay here goes my supposedly speech :

Thank you mom , dad , teachers , tuition teachers, friends, classmates , family and last but not least , God. I just couldn't express how joyful and yet shocked I feel right now. 10 A+ in my hands ( err I mean the slip is in my hands ) . Like damm I didn't expect this at all !

The night before today , I was anxious and felt butterflies and perhaps caterpillars in my stomach. I couldn't sleep at all ! I tossed and turned on my bed till 2.30 am like walao just let me sleep in peace lah T.T

Well the reason why I didn't expect myself to get such a good result was because I thought I screwed my Malay essay. It was dreadful .

I sort of prepared myself for the worst, yknow just in case I do not get the ideal results. I was in jittery when they started announcing the straight A+'s achievers. My legs were limp and I felt uncomfortable in my gut.

When my name was announced , I didn't know whether to cry or smile or whatever.  My legs were shaky and I walked up the stage in an awkward manner ._.

What can I say ? I am grateful . Grateful that God answered my prayers , grateful that my 'hard' work paid off. No sarcasm intended but I'd always thought I didn't work hard enough. Maybe I did. Just that low self-esteem concealed what I see in myself.

Haha . Expect the unexpected.

Anyway , congratulations to my friends no matter what results they obtained (: spm is just a small part of Malaysian students' lives. Hey I know maybe you're not satisfied with your results but life still has to go on.

Good luck to those who are sitting for SPM this year (: Study in a way of which you are comfortable with and always listen to your teachers. They know the best (: Cut down outings and do more exercises because practice makes one perfect .

HAHAHAHAHA IM SO GAY , AS IN THE HAPPY GAY :D

And I stand a chance of getting a KPM bursary WAHAHAHAHAHA FREE EDUCATION X) 

It's funny how you remember others but no one remembers you.

"Friends give us the courage to lift the binds on our hearts."

What courage could thou give when there are no ears to be lent or shoulders to be cried on ?  'Twas all that's left is emptiness.

CNY 2014

My blog has a little too much of negativity (yes , just a little) so I guess I should post something more positive. It's pretty obvious I'm a Chinese and I celebrated the year of the horse a few days ago. I mean , Chinese New Year ! And the zodiac animal this year is the horse.

This year's CNY was pretty much like the one I celebrate every year , quite normal and peaceful . It's just that CNY nowadays lack that sort of festive mood. Blame technology for that. I could still remember CNY during my childhood was more fun and merry with firecrackers , sparklers and relatives actually talking to one another. It's a little disappointing how youngsters nowadays have their iPads and phones in their hands everywhere they go even during reunion dinners. So yeah , that's exactly what I'm trying to convey. Lack in communication.

As usual , I visited my grandparents , relatives and also my friends. How can I not celebrate with them? This year's house-visiting was a little different since Gary and his friends joined us , a group of girls. It was pretty awkward but okay , at least the guys offered to be our drivers. And hey, I got extra red packets :D

I did gamble a little but I lost more than I should have won. My money......

Well it's okay. It's only available once in a year.

I forgot to bring along my camera battery on the fourth day , during house-visiting day with my friends -________-  Had no choice but to take pictures via mobile.





Lanterns bokeh taken in WuGong Temple
 

Terry and Rocky in their CNY outfits !

OOTD :)

Free photo shoot for my sis lol



 



Group photoooo
 

Driving o.o

Mini update ^^
Just came back from my second driving lesson.  Like damm , driving isn't really as easy as those race cars in arcades. You need to be fast and flexible when it comes to controlling the steering wheel.  At the same time , you need to control the clutch pedal too if you don't wanna end up crashing into pillars.
I got pretty tensed up at first when the driving instructor asked me to do the three corners.  It's kinda tricky and fear was growing inside me when I had to steer the wheel slowly and cautiously without crashing into pavements at every corner . Dang it , it's like final destination in a car.
My driving instructor whom I called uncle was kinda annoyed when I couldn't steer the wheel fast after so many attempts.  Haih. Guess he's right - I need to calm down and overcome my jittery. After a few more attempts,  I finally managed to pull it off steadily.  Pheww.
After the lesson at the driving academy,  uncle taught me how to drive on the main road. Yes , the MAIN road with many vehicles passing by. No fear , no fear. I listened to uncle's instructions while we were on the road , but sometimes I just went blurr and froze, not knowing how to deal with the steering wheel.
Nevertheless,  everything went smoothly when I drove back to the driving academy.  Praise the Lord. When the two hour lesson almost ended, uncle made me drove back home. It was okay I guess? However, the engine died when I reached near the house having funeral. Why? I didn't press on the clutch and I didn't know why was I so blurr. How embarrassing. 
Never mind , I just need more practice right? Having my next driving lesson tomorrow,  just hope I don't screw it up.

There's a Queen B who pissed me off last night with a very rude ending of argument. Is that how 'wise' people argue? One word, stupidity.  Your reasoning is invalid and unworthy of my rebuttal.  GTFO .

Like are you serious?  I was in the school debate team like hello? You wanna rebut me with bullshits ?

Decisions, decisions.

I don't know why but apparently mom is getting too worried about my future.

Am I a rolling stone that collects no moss and nothing?

Idk. You tell me. Decisions are always difficult to make. It's not like everything will be done by snapping your fingers. Maybe I'm a rolling stone or maybe , I have difficulty in making the right choice. I should have goals instead of giving in to the flow of life right?

I really don't know. I only know that my goal is to make lots of money. Money. Don't worry I'm not a gold digger but I just want my hard strive to be rewarded well.

I guess I should just make a decision and see how it goes. Wait, what if I regret?

That's the point. I need extra time to pick the right one so that I won't regret. Can I really ensure that?

Someone please guide me the staircase to heaven. 

Btw , I'm starting to find selfies amusing. LOL WHAT??

↓ A recent selfie of myself. Have I become prettier?  X)

260114

Went to Nene's Cafe(opposite my alma mater) for lunch with Mom on Friday while waiting for my sis to walk out from school. That place is definitely memorable.
When I walked into the cafe , I saw a big group of students having lunch together before attending their extra classes. The sight of these students reminded me of my friends when we were still students those days.
My friends and I used to hang out there whenever we were free on Fridays , especially when we were allowed to dismiss early. I remembered how we talked crap and giggled while waiting for the time to pass. It brought back rewinds on how I used to be obsessed with having 'siham' ( cockles ) in my laksa , how Cheryl had her own lunch brought from home since she's vegetarian and how we would gossip and crack jokes.
Sometimes we would cross the road together back and forth to get there even though it's kind of dangerous . Ahhh , I'm starting to miss the times when I was a student :')
It's kind of sad how we seldom have hangouts nowadays due to work and college. Well I can't go out due to transport .____. Currently learning how to drive so I guess it's considered a progress.  *shrugs*

May the time goes by faster.

Good Old Journal

I guess I should introduce my journal here. I started writing a journal since two years ago after getting a pretty notebook at ISetan . I called it a journal instead of a diary 'cos I thought I wouldn't be writing any secrets inside. I do have one , actually :3 Shhh..

I named it 'Perks of Being An Awkie Teenager'. Hope that's not too lame !

I shall attach last night's update on my journal here, so I don't need to make a fuss on how to update my blog frequently.Yeah the convenience.

Happy new year :)

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You're nothing but an immature kid who is more immature than an immature person like me . Arguing with you on the matters of reality is unworthy of my time.

Yes , even the most perfect person has flaws. The person might have looks , happiness , wealth , health but not brains. Sometimes brainy people have the money , status , brands but not looks. I'm not wasting my time here complaining, but I urge everyone out there to be grateful. Yes , you have unlimited wealth but it will run dry one day when 'unlimited' is spelt 'limited'. You'll never know when the world is going to face another economic crisis again , which could be worse. For those who think yourself as ugly and horrible , think again. One day you will eventually become old and even the prettiest person will be as ugly as you. For those who have no brains , or maybe you have but without a sense of logic , stop thinking . Please shut up. What can you do ? Reflect your own illogical theories again. I assure you that you find no problem in them so the only solution is to keep quiet. And for the ones who think of yourselves as the wise and mighty , there are many others who are much wiser than you , maybe ten times or twenty times. You have not encountered these type of individuals because you are not even exposed to the scary reality. When I say scary , I mean it. The world outside is full of unexpected happenings that we never once thought could happen since they're so unexpected. To summarize , a part of us is still shielded in the dark. We all have this excitement contained in us but once we get to know about the harsh reality , the excitement will slowly turn into remorse.

No one could actually aid us except for ourselves. Heed my advice. Be thankful of who you are today. Stop and think before you take actions to prevent yourself from looking like a fool. Do not compare your life with others because each of our lives is created specifically different by God. Never give in to your destiny because the reason we are made alive is we are given a second chance to rewrite our stories along the way.

Have a nice day.