Hi , I'm the 20-year-old you. I'm penning this letter to inquire about you , even though I've already known what's ahead of you. It may be bizarre , talking to my past self when I should be doing something better . I don't mind , sparing some quality time with myself , but are you willing to spend some time reading this ?
4th of May. You're now facing one of the most crucial moments in your A-Level life. The AS examination is just 2 days away. Do you feel pressured ? You seem to be relaxed. Your countenance shows sang-froid with no significant emotion. Are you really not stressed ? Are you okay with not studying 24/7 like your friends ?
I know you more than anyone does. I fathom the complexity of your thoughts. On the outside , you look composed but in the inside, random thoughts are running through your mind right now. Did I just hit the jackpot ? Tell me , is doing past year papers helpful ? I get it , it's the only way to secure your A's . You always say that life is not about grades and you will not succumb to mediocracy. Why are you contradicting yourself ? I wish you could have your own stand instead of joining the crowd.
Am I wrong ? Fine , I apologise for that misunderstanding. Maybe I don't understand you at all.
Dear me , I wish you could stop devoting too much time and energy to academics . Please , do not let me feel remorseful about what I could've done when I was nineteen. You are not obligated to have really good grades just to please everyone . I know, your A-Level results is the yardstick that determines the success of getting an admission into the university of your dreams , but it's not everything. Your growth , your learning process and your maturity matter more when it comes to preparing yourself for the entrance into society .
I'm pretty sure you did not learn much in college . You just picked up the skills of scoring a certain question and the strategies of completing a certain paper in time. It sucks , doesn't it , doing something against your own will? What's worse is , you're not allowed to write in your own pace. There is no other choice but to alter the way you grip your pen after 18 years. You used to find pleasure in writing , but now you don't. It's okay , it's not your fault that you grip your pen differently.
Hey , if it's too much for you to handle , remember , I'm living a pretty good life now. No matter how suffocating your college life is , it will eventually come to an end. Fret not , it will end well. I wish you could talk more to people around you, instead of distancing yourself and keeping yourself hidden in your small confined virtual cubicle. It's okay to be shy , 'cos this is how things always start.
I wish you could be more confident in yourself , in spite of having great dissatisfaction towards your physical appearance . As someone from the future , I can tell you that nobody gives a damm about your acnes because you're already attractive in the inside. Speak out more and voice out your opinions when you have the opportunity. There is no right or wrong in personal views. I'm only a year older but I can view things differently from you. How cool is that ? X)
I notice , you do care a lot about the people around you. There's a limit to everything so be concerned , but do not go beyond. You're not God , you don't solve the problems people are having. All you need to do is to be a good listener. Sometimes choices made by that certain person aren't what you expected and you can be disappointed for the whole day. This is too much. Why are you such a sensitive bitch ? Anyhow , I have no rights to reprimand you since we're both the same person.
There's no point bitching about the things you should've done when you're eighteen , 'cos it's too late. You have another year before going into the 20s category. You've always wanted to enhance your photography skills , especially in portraiture . Have you done so ? Actions speak louder than words so just do it. Time constraint is not an excuse. You're still alive next year. Feel like venturing into something new like astronomy and time paradox ? Go for it. You've always show interest in it.
If you haven't been exercising for some time , you should feel guilty . How can you neglect your health for something which only plays a small part in your university applications ? Geez stop being so pathetic.
It's time to bring the rebel out of you. Never ever stop pursuing what you've always wanted even though it may cause strains in the relationship between you and your parents. My parents , actually. They can't just disown you for defying them , right? Make them support you , even with reluctance . You're 19 , not 13. You can't play the good girl part forever. Stand firm and do not let your stand be shaken by bullshits and unnecessary criticism , unless the criticism's meant for good intention.
There's one more thing I wish you could be. Be brave and overcome your fears , even if it costs you sweat and trembles. See the guy whom you have a crush on ? Don't be afraid to approach and speak to him. You're not doing something stupid , you're just taking up a challenge you've never thought you could overcome. There's nothing left to lose. Blush as much as you want 'cos no one's gonna judge you. A-Level is coming to an end , with six months left. What are you waiting for ?
Hey 19-year-old me , I don't think I wanna take up so much of your time. When you're feeling down , go to sleep. When you're doubtful about your capabilities , constantly remind yourself this :
" If they can , why can't I ? "
When you're really sure you're not capable in something , never to give yourself such high expectations. When you decide to be happy , look for something that could brighten up your day even more. When you know something doesn't end up to be yours , accept the fact that it could never be yours and have faith that something better is coming. Keep calm and breathe. Never let anxiety come in your way.
Have a nice day :)
Yours truly ,
20-year-old you
