15/8/2015

I've been thinking a lot these days, in the midst of the very last hectic, torturous phase of A-Level. Random thoughts about political issues, depreciating currency, opinions of others on certain subjects , and even food get me so indulged that I sometimes fail to take notice of what's going on around. I'm definitely not maximising my brain capacity , but I seem to enjoy thinking. Who says that overthinking kills happiness? Specifically, unnecessary pessimistic overthinking does. My thinking is more towards figuring out stuffs and asking myself questions I never thought of.

" Thinking is better than having empty talks "

Undeniably, I've been quiet nowadays. Not to say I was talkative, but I speak lesser now. I'm not having those hermit , 'emo' moments when one isolates him/herself from people. I tend to devote more time for myself , for my development in thinking. Put academics aside, I have to deal with troublesome university applications, in which a really convincing personal statement and good forecast results are required. It occurred to me that I'm not the only person fighting for a place in university. There are many capable applicants who have better qualifications than me out there, and whom universities highly prefer. Well, does that mean I have to stop trying? Nope. Some may argue, why personal statement when the university can assess us based on our results? Contrary to popular belief, a string of A's may not guarantee you a place in your dream institution. Universities need to see another side of you , your passion for the degree of choice and the firm reasons why you are worth their time. It's literally marketing , via an essay. Nonetheless, I do wonder if a personal statement is 100% honest. How would universities know if the 'passion' delivered through words written in a piece of paper genuine ? The emotions and enthusiasm in the essay can be faked out, just like how a Hollywood actress cry within seconds as if her boob surgery failed. This got me wondering. You can pretend to be very interested, and the university of your choice will be very much convinced. Once, my lecturer mentioned to me about how a student's effort can be judged from the test paper. This got me thinking again. What if that particular student actually worked hard for the subject , yet did not manage to answer the questions? The student cannot be seen trying as the answer space is left blank. Hence, he/she could be labelled as not making effort, not working hard. Is this even fair? I can't say much , but I do find this ridiculous.

It is indeed tough to assess a person. They say evidence is needed- what type? " Do not expect the fish to climb the tree, because it definitely can't. "

Fed Up

I'm fed up with college.

Fed up with examinations.

Fed up with classes.

Fed up with the tight schedule.

Fed up with the possibility that I might not be able to achieve my goals.

Fed up with people who dragged me into unnecessary dramas.

Fed up with people who think they know me well.

Fed up with people who talk shit to me when all I want is to have a deep conversation.

Fed up with the rat race that I'm made to participate.

Fed up with the fact that sometimes ends just don't meet.

Fed up with myself for wanting to give up on my ambition at times.

Fed up with myself for persevering when all I want is a break.

Fed up with the person who takes me as invisible and constantly blocks my path.

Fed up with the high requirements set by the universities I'm applying to.

Fed up with the worries I sometimes carry with me.

Fed up with the shackled mindsets people are having.

Fed up with the acnes growing on my face like mushrooms after rain.

Fed up with myself for only knowing how to complain.

Yet I'm still not fed up with life.