Escapade.: November 2015

It felt like yesterday. One and a half years just passed in a blink of an eye. The roller coaster ride of A-Levels has finally come to an end.

I'm not being sentimental here. I have unexplainable mixed feelings, a majority of which is happiness, followed by a heavy heart. I don't give a damm about leaving Sunway, but having to part ways with the people who were on the same ride with me in college, well it meant something.
There's a significant difference between high school and college. You're only able to meet your friends in school yet you assume you know them well, without realising that they own habits at home that you hate to the core. You only need to adapt to the personality they wear at school, and everything which took place in school is what still connects you and your friends. In college, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I need to adapt to new people and environment on my own, away from home. It was a tough challenge, given that I took almost two years to know my current group of friends in high school. 1.5 years seemed insufficient for an awkward panda like me. I've been living with my family since birth and I found it a little difficult to process the thought of living temporarily under the same roof with six strangers. ( One of them is my long-time friend lol )

I was literally on my own , without my mother's comforting food and my father's jokes. Studying was once a slow, relaxing process back in my high school days, but not in college. Since I was a bursary student, I was exposed to other bursary holders who were always in the rat race. I feared them. I wasn't worried about not catching up with the others and it wasn't my slightest concern that I'm not a top student among them. The pressure cooked up around me and I felt like escaping the place every second. Neither do I want to conform nor do I want to know anyone. I was also worried about interacting with people. What if I offend them by saying something inappropriate unconsciously? I don't know these people , and I definitely wouldn't want to get into trouble. Therefore , I resorted to being quiet and cautious. I even decided not to make eye contact and befriend anyone in class. Having only housemates as my allies seemed to be okay to me because all I wished was for this course to end quickly.

Fearing that everyone has ulterior motives, I avoided the need to share my thoughts and forced myself to put on fake smiles and have overly friendly personality. Dragging myself through the course was like the only aim I had initially. I was more discouraged when I saw my classmates on the first day of class. They had solemn, arrogant faces and the only impression I had on them was 'Nerds' . They didn't seem appealing to me , so I had no reason to approach them. Fortunately, I had my housemate with me and that's what kept me going in the dreadful classes...

Days went by and I thought to myself, ' This isn't that bad at all. ' What I disliked were class tests and examinations. It made me question myself everyday if I made the right choice for doing A-Levels. I did not have much time for myself as I was always staying up late , completing assignments and revising for upcoming class tests. The lecturers were always emphasising on A*s , importance of forecast results and Top In The World Awards , which made I feel like I was living in a fast forwarded universe. Everything was in a rush that decisions had to be made promptly and rationality was somehow neglected. It was crazy. We were not allowed to go beyond what's in the syllabus so tell me , how is this learning? Apparently, spamming past year papers was the solution to obtaining straight A*. Study only for exams. I felt stupid for having myself fall into this trap of fallacy and if I were to choose again, A-Levels is off the list. It literally made my life hectic and miserable for nothing, not to mention that my acne problem was invited back.

Despite the overwhelming negativity in the above paragraphs, there were moments which I truly enjoyed in college. My classmates proved to me that I was just being judgmental. I started befriending them , especially the group of guys in the second semester after my student council term ended. They share their vast knowledge which is an eye-opener to me and the topics of discussions we had during our lunch and sometimes midnight sessions vary from A to Z. Debunk the boring thoughts of them because they aren't at all. For once in my life, I felt like I belong. I was able to open up and talk about my topics of interests together with them , without the fear that I might be ostracised if they find me uninteresting. I had the opportunity of listening to stories of people from different walks of life and share my experiences ( although I prefer not to most of the time ). It's rare for someone to find a group of people who share the same 'frequency' and openly debate on matters rationally and professionally without unnecessary dramas and grudges.

Being in college has proven to me that every single human being is unique. I was exposed to people whom I've never met in my small hometown and learned how to deal with them. Life is full of surprises and so are they. 1.5 years seemed like 10 years and it just ended like that, although I've just gotten to know my friends better. We've been through many spontaneous adventures and unexpected journeys in less than the period of time I used to take to befriend people in high school. Undeniably, I've grown up although I still have a lot to learn. Initially, I planned to write messages to all of friends but couldn't make it due to time constraints. Time just had to tear us apart before I could even know them more personally. If any of you happen to stumble on this post, read it 'cos it's dedicated to you.
Thank you for playing a part in my life. I swear we'll meet again , since our paths have already intertwined and I'm dying to know your remaining stories. All of you know who you are. As for my housemates, I have an extra message for you girls. Thank you for being my temporary family members. How can I forget the times we had together when it's deeply etched in my heart? I can't help but feel touched when all of you took care of me when I was ill. The ups and downs, deep o' clock sessions and girls' talks we had together are worth a million. We supported one another whenever one of us was stressed and look at how far we've come. Perseverance and unity kept us moving forward , shaping us into stronger and bolder individuals.

I don't hate goodbyes, I don't like them either. Sorry that I don't bid adieu properly. I'd rather have the thought of having my college friends as a part of my life than to think that we might not meet again. Therefore , no goodbyes from me. See you later? ;)